


Cold Reunion

by Alexis_Tenshi



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comic Book Legal System, Comic Book Science, First Crush, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Metahuman Leonard Snart, Misunderstandings, Mob Boss Leonard Snart, Mutual Pining, Orphanage, Pining, references to a mass shooting and the aftermath, serious injuries to minor characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2019-10-24 19:57:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Tenshi/pseuds/Alexis_Tenshi
Summary: After Barry’s mother was killed and father arrested, Barry was placed in an orphanage for metahuman children. Len, another young meta there, befriended him and helped him survive. Once Joe’s application to adopt Barry finally went through, Barry and Len lost contact. But Barry never forgot Len.Years later, Barry became a CSI and Leonard Snart was a powerful mob boss. Barry thought he’d never see Len again, much less become close to him. But then Barry found himself framed for a horrible crime he didn’t commit. Barry didn’t know if Len would remember him, or have any reason to help him. But Barry had no one else to turn to.





	1. Chapter 1

Barry shivered, trying to hide the movement and willing it to not turn into a full blown anxiety-spurned vibration. He eyed the hulking guard standing nearby. The man showed no sign of noticing, but he might just be acting like he hadn’t seen anything. Mick Rory was his name, Barry knew. Barry had done his research before setting up this meeting. He’d found out as much as he could about the Family of Rogues, as they were known as, so he could be prepared for this.

Mick Rory was one of Leonard Snart’s closest friends. Len, as the mob boss, put Mick in a high position in his organization. A lot of people assumed it was because Len rewarded loyalty. Len did, Barry knew, but that wasn’t all there was to it. Despite looking and often acting like a dumb brute, Mick was anything but. He might not be a grand planner like Len was, but he was plenty smart and observant. Smart enough to know the value of playing dumb and oblivious.

Mick doubtlessly knew that Barry was a speedster. Even if Barry did start vibrating out of nervousness, Mick wouldn’t likely be surprised. But Barry still tried to avoid it. He didn’t want to show any signs of weakness, or how much this meeting scared him. He wasn’t sure if he was succeeding, but he had to try. If he wanted the Rogues’ respect, he had to be strong.

Barry also didn’t want the ankle monitor he wore to note the spike in his power usage that vibrating would cause. It was within acceptable limits of using his power, but there would still be a record of it. If a court officer or the DA asked him about it, he’d have to make up an excuse for why it’d happened. He could think of one, but it’d still be lying. The more lies he told, the more danger he’d be in of being discovered.

As it was, it’d already be suspicious that his ankle monitor showed him at a bar known to be controlled by the mob. It was within the limit of the area he was allowed to go to, even if he’d never done it before. And it wasn’t out of the question that he’d just needed a drink and wandered there. People _did_ do that. And Saints and Sinners was one of the few local bars that served alcohol specifically designed to give a good buzz to even the metas with the highest increased metabolism.

It would be believable that Barry had needed a drink, with everything going on. But it would still be suspicious. It would still be another strike against him. Barry didn’t need to give anyone more reasons to condemn him. But he was out of other options.

Barry had even ordered a drink and paid with his credit card, so there would be a record. But he’d just sat at the bar and not drank it until he’d been called back to wait for his meeting. Barry couldn’t afford to be anything less than level headed for this. He’d thought about getting something to eat, but his stomach didn’t feel like it could handle it with his current nerves. Meta-designed alcohol on an empty stomach would have been a very bad idea.

It was cold in the hallway where Barry was sitting, waiting to be admitted to meet with Len. The main area of the bar had been a normal, comfortable temperature. But in the back hallway, it was near freezing. Not as cold as Barry knew it would be inside the main meeting room, but cold enough to be uncomfortable, no matter how rich the surroundings. It was meant to be both, Barry guessed, as a show of wealth, power, and intimidation.

The navy blue carpet on the floor was clearly expensive, with silver trim and complex designs woven in. They might have been stylized snowflakes, or that might just be Barry’s imagination. There were paintings on the walls that belonged in, and had probably been stolen from, museums. The chairs that lined the hall were all plush black leather, not cheap plastic like many waiting areas. There were rich wooden end tables between them every so often. There were magazines on the tables, but no one had picked up any to read, from what Barry had seen.

He was the only one waiting there now, with Mick silently standing guard by the door. But when Barry had first been shown in, there had been around five or six other people there waiting for their turns to meet with Len. They all respectfully referred to him as Comrade Cold, or just Cold, Barry reminded himself. Not that they’d made small talk while waiting. But Len’s preferred moniker was common knowledge among anyone with a scheduled meeting with the mob boss.

Barry couldn’t let himself slip up and call him ‘Len’ to his face. He had to remember to call him Comrade Cold. But in Barry’s mind, the man was still Len. He couldn’t manage to bring himself to think of him as any other name, even one as cleverly fitting as Comrade Cold.

The _Cold_ part of the moniker came from Len’s meta powers, of course. He was well known as one of the most skilled metas at manipulating cold and ice.

The _Comrade_ part came from his alliance with the Bratva. Although not a Bratva member himself, Len was one of very few Westerners that’d managed to successfully reach a long term agreement with the infamous Russian mob. Having the Bratva to back them up, if called upon, gave the Rogues an even more intimidating reputation. The Bratva had near complete control of Star City, the reports said. And it was an easy train ride from there to Central to assist the Rogues.

But both the Bratva and the Rogues had something else that very few mob families had; a reputation of respect and strict rules. It was one of the reasons Barry had decided to seek out this meeting. They were still mobsters; they still operated outside the law. But they had something of a moral code. They didn’t kill innocents, and never harmed children. They avoided killing cops or other officials unless it was a matter of kill or be killed. If they struck a deal with someone, they stuck to it unless the other party broke the arrangement’s conditions first.

At least, that was what Barry had _heard_. It didn’t mean making a deal with them would be safe, easy, or come cheap. They didn’t offer deals to just anyone. But it was a possibility Barry thought he might be able to live with. He was out of other options. He just hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

Barry hoped desperately that something of the Len he’d known so long ago remained in the man Cold was today. It had been over ten years since they’d seen each other or spoken. It was a slim hope that Len would even _remember_ Barry, let alone be willing to help him. But Barry had no one else left to turn to.

The door to the meeting room opened and broke Barry’s train of thought. He looked up and watched as a man came out, shivering and shaking. The man’s lips were light blue and his teeth were chattering. He clearly wasn’t happy with the meeting’s outcome. But he was walking and didn’t appear to have lost any fingers to frostbite. That was better than some fared when meeting with Cold, from what Barry had heard. The man looked terrified and hurried past Barry without a glance in his direction.

Barry swallowed hard and tried to force down his nerves again. He resisted the urge to use his speed and race far away from this place. Running away would solve nothing. He’d gotten this far. He had to go through with this, or he’d be in a worse position than staring down a meeting with a famous mob boss. Barry had run out of time to look for better options.

“The boss’ll see you now,” Mick announced, holding open the meeting room door.

Barry nodded, swallowed again, and forced himself to move at a normal pace toward the door and into the room. Using his speed would at best be an insult, at worst a threat. He’d earn himself a shot of fire in the back, if he tried anything like that. Mick’s heat powers were well known. Even if it wouldn’t permanently burn Barry with his increased healing, he was here to ask for help, not piss anyone off. He had to be on his best behavior, no matter how much he wanted to vibrate through the floor and hide.

So Barry entered the room, tense and apprehensive, and heard Mick shut the door behind him. A wave of pure icy air hit Barry then, taking his breath away. It had been cold out in the hall, but in here it was downright freezing! When Barry finally managed to breathe again, a cloud of steam left his mouth; the air was so cold.

Barry had been told he could dress warmly, but not to wear a coat; that would be disrespectful. So Barry had worn the grey suit that had practically become his uniform lately. It was the nicest one he owned, so he often wore it to court. Now, he wished he could shove his hands into the pockets to try and keep them warm, but worried that would seem disrespectful too. So he fidgeted with his hands instead, balling them into fists and then quickly loosening them. He realized there would be no way to hide his nerves and discomfort.

That was the idea, of course. This was all done by choice, by Len. He was perfectly capable of not using his powers and leaving the room a normal temperature. But he chose to keep it chilly as a form of intimidation and distraction. It gave him a better position to negotiate from.

Since they were meeting at Len’s, rather than a neutral location, it was Len’s right to keep the room however he wanted. Barry wasn’t in a position to ask for more favorable meeting conditions. He was lucky to get a meeting with Len at all, and this was to remind him of that. Just like it had been for each of the previous people Len had met with. It was what you dealt with when you requested a meeting with Comrade Cold.

Barry pushed aside how cold he felt, as much as he could, to focus on his surroundings. The room had the same type of rich furnishings as the hall. The majority of the space was taken up by a long table, suitable for meetings with multiple people, or large meals. Sitting at the head of the table, facing Barry, was Leonard Snart himself.

Barry couldn’t see much of Len’s face. Len wore a hood, navy blue with white stitching on the edges, shading much of his face. And he wore slit-eyed glasses to protect his eyes from any glare his powers caused. Barry was both disappointed and relieved. If he couldn’t make out Len’s expressions, Barry could try and focus on what he needed to say, rather than Len’s face. But he also would have no hints to Len’s mood besides the chilly temperature.

The hood Len wore was attached to a vest, over what looked like simple dark colored shirt and pants, leaving Len’s arms bare. Len was unaffected by cold. But the lack of sleeves was to show off Len’s powers, Barry knew. He’d been prepared for it. But he still couldn’t help but stare.

Len’s arms were gorgeous, lean and muscular. His meta powers made developing and maintaining muscles much easier than normal, just as Barry’s did. Len didn’t have Barry’s level of increased metabolism, but it was still higher than a regular human’s. So his arms looked like he lifted impressive weights regularly, while never having to set foot in a gym.

But the most striking thing about Len’s arms were the slightly bulging blood veins running up and down them, all light blue. Ice in his veins, literally. Len’s blood chilled with his powers, mostly focused in his arms. But it kept pumping, doing no harm to the man himself, just showing off what he was capable of.

Barry’s eyes drifted down those arms; past the elbows they were nearly pure white and covered in a thin layer of ice with blue veins showing all through them. Len’s hands were tinted entirely blue, where his powers were the strongest. They were gorgeous hands, regardless of the coloring, and Barry tried to stop staring. But he couldn’t help it; his eyes were drawn to those hands. They were currently lightly stroking the thighs of the woman in Len’s lap.

She was the other reason Barry couldn’t get a good look at Len. Her position blocked much of Len’s body from view. The woman was strikingly hot, both figuratively and literally. She was an attractive blonde, in a little white leather top and mini-skirt, with fishnet tights on her otherwise bare legs, and high heeled boots on. She looked perfectly warm, despite how freezing the rest of the room was.

Len’s mastery of his powers was such that he could leave a space of warmth wherever he wanted, while still flooding the rest of the room with cold. The ice on Len’s hands as he stroked her thighs ought to at least cause her to shiver a little, but she gave no sign of being affected by it. The woman seemed perfectly comfortable in Len’s lap, while Barry was forced to freeze a few feet away. Barry was jealous, and not just of the temperature she got to enjoy.

He pushed away the ridiculous desire to be the one in Len’s lap, the one whose thighs were getting stroked by those long icy fingers. He’d be happy to shiver if it was caused by that! But these thoughts weren’t safe. Len was a dangerous man, and this woman was equally threatening! Barry couldn’t afford to be unfocused.

Her name was Sara Lance, Barry knew. His research had revealed details of her, too. Her meta power was a strong sonic wave when she screamed. But she was also a highly trained assassin. Anyone that mistook her for pure arm candy was in for a rude surprise. That was the point of positioning her on Len’s lap during meetings, Barry thought. Just like the reason Mick pretended to be stupid.

The element of surprise and the advantage of being underestimated should never be discounted. People might look at Len and Sara and think all they had to content with was Len’s cold power. Sara was a force to be reckoned with in her own right, and she was loyal to Len.

People might see a pretty girl in Len’s lap and think Len was distracted and not taking the meeting seriously. Nothing could be further from the truth, Barry knew. It was just another clever trick that Len used to get an advantage and get his guests’ guards down.

The police files Barry had gotten access to, coupled with Barry’s own insight, had helped him prepare for all this. But it was still disconcerting. Barry still felt far from at ease.

And then Len spoke, “Hello, Barry Allen.” And Barry felt his knees shake.

That voice! It hadn’t been that silky, that smooth, the last time Barry had heard it. But it still sounded familiar. It still had the slight accent that showed Len had grown up in the Central City Slums. But it was more mature, more confident, more alluring, than Barry remembered.

“Hello, Le…Cold,” Barry stumbled, already screwing up, and cursed himself mentally. “Comrade Cold, thank you. Thank you for accepting my request for a meeting.”

Barry couldn’t see Len’s expression. But Sara smirked at him, practically giggling. Barry tried not to hate her. It wasn’t healthy at all to hate a woman like her.

But Barry felt humiliated and he’d barely gotten a sentence out yet! All his careful research and plans falling apart already! He had to pull himself together, he scolded himself.

“I was curious, I admit, what a police CSI would want from a meeting with someone such as myself,” Len spoke again before Barry could think of what to say. “I would hope it’s nothing as foolish as threatening me with arrest. I know for a fact that the police have nothing on me that would hold up in court.”

As Len talked, the room got noticeably colder. The warning in his words, plus the temperature shift, was obvious. Barry hurried to assure Len of his intentions.

“No, of course not!” Barry saw his breath cloud the air as he talked, “I need…I need to ask you for a favor. I…”

Barry hesitated. Len had given no sign he remembered Barry. If Len had forgotten him, Barry wasn’t sure bringing up the past was a good idea. But if Len _did_ remember him, this might be a test to see if Barry would tell the truth.

“I…we…we knew each other, a long time ago, as kids,” Barry stuttered out. “We met at St. Alfonso’s Home for Metachilden, an orphanage outside Central…or it used to be, it’s shut down now. But we, we spent nine months there together. We were close…friends…I…

“I know it was a really long time ago, and you might not remember, or even if you do it might not mean anything to you…” Barry was rambling and he struggled to get himself together. “But you said if I ever really needed anything to find you and you’d help me.

“I totally understand if you refuse, or if you want something in return! I don’t know what I can offer. But I really need help, and I don’t know who else to go to.”

“So I’m your last choice?” Len drawled, sounding none too pleased. “How _flattering_! You used to have better taste, Barry! Though I suppose you always did have a soft spot for cops and the law, no matter how much it screwed you. Finally reach your limit so _now_ you come to me?”

Barry should have been threatened. He should have realized the room getting colder again wasn’t a good sign. But all Barry felt was relief and joy. A huge grin formed on his face before he could think to try and stop it.

“You _do_ remember me!” Barry blurted out.

Len said nothing. What Barry could see of Len’s face was only his mouth in a tight small line. Sara seemed on the verge of giggling again. But even that couldn’t manage to inspire Barry to stop smiling. Len _remembered_ him!

It was foolish and he was getting his hopes up to be likely dashed in a moment. But knowing Len remembered him was a small spark of sunlight in what had become a dark and bleak life lately for Barry.

Len leaned closer to Sara, whispering in the woman’s ear. Barry couldn’t make out what was said. That sobered Barry a little, but he refused to let go of hope.

Sara slid gracefully off of Len’s lap. Barry tried to ignore the way Len’s hands lightly groped her ass as she stood up. Barry let the relief and gratitude fill him as she walked away, leaving the room and leaving Len and Barry alone together.

“Sit, Barry,” Len ordered, gesturing to the chair to his right at the table.

Barry nodded and obeyed, sitting down gratefully. He still couldn’t see much of Len’s face with the hood and glasses in the way. It was still freezing in the room and his fingers felt a bit numb. But he was much more comfortable with the woman gone. He had nothing against her, he told himself. It was just easier if she wasn’t sitting there getting between Barry and Len.

“I know something of what’s going on with you,” Len admitted. “But tell me it all as if I have no clue; as if I haven’t seen the news in months. Getting the entire story from your perspective will help me decide what, if anything, I can offer you.”

Barry nodded, the grin coming back to his face unbidden.

“Thank you, Len! Even if all you can do is listen, still, _thank_ you!”

Len said nothing and his expression was unreadable. But the room didn’t get colder, so Barry took that as a good sign. He took several deep breaths, gathered his thoughts, and began.


	2. Chapter 2

Barry tried to focus on his story and not waste energy guessing Len’s reaction. Once he got started, the memories and the pain associated with them soon made that easier.

“Three months ago there was a shooting at the police station, where I work. It was a team of four people; two metas and two humans. The metas held down everyone that tried to fight back, using a combination of physical and energy-based powers, while the humans opened fire on whoever they could point their guns at. Ten police officers died, five more were seriously injured.

“My adoptive father, Joe, was among the injured policemen. Iris, my adoptive sister, was as well. She was an innocent civilian, there visiting her dad and her fiancé. But the gunmen didn’t care. They just unloaded their guns on everyone.

“Eddie, her fiancé, was hurt too. He’s a meta, a speedster like me, so he recovered fairly quickly. But Joe and Iris, they’re normal humans…they might never fully recover. Iris is in a coma. Joe is awake periodically, but on so many pain meds he’s barely coherent. He hasn’t realized yet that…the extent of his injuries.”

Barry refused to say exactly how bad Joe’s condition was. He refused to focus on the possibility Iris might never wake up. There was _hope_ ; that was the important thing. There was still hope for a full recovery for them both. The doctors said so. Barry couldn’t let his mind spiral down into the realm of terrible possibilities while there was still hope. Letting himself give into despair wouldn’t help anyone.

“The four gunmen were captured trying to escape after the attack,” Barry continued the story, trying to put Joe and Iris’ conditions out of his mind. “But going over the crime, it was clear they’d had an accomplice inside the CCPD. They got past the metal detectors when they entered the building by not bringing guns with them. They broke into the station’s own armory and used the CCPD’s own weapons against the police at the station.

“Expect it wasn’t _broken_ into. They got the weapons without setting off any alarms. They positioned themselves where they could do the most damage, take the most lives, before starting to open fire. They had time and access to perfectly set themselves up to do the most damage. Someone had to have given them access to those weapons. The armory uses a combination of a key and a code pad. There were no signs of tampering with either. They had to have been _given_ a key and the code from someone inside the police force.

“Officers interrogated the men for days, trying to get them to give up their accomplice. Eventually they did…they named… _me_.” Barry swallowed hard several times, his entire body tense, as he forced himself to continue, “They said _I_ gave them the keys and the code to the armory. They said _I_ told them when the most people would be at the station, so they could attack then. They said…they said I helped them plan it _all_.”

Barry swallowed hard, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He angrily willed them away. He’d cried enough over this already. He looked at Len, but the mob boss’ expression was still unreadable. Barry couldn’t tell how Len was taking any of this.

“I _didn’t_ do it! I swear! I would _never_!” Barry insisted, “It’s the _truth_! But no one…no one believes me.”

Barry didn’t say, _just like no one believed my father. Just like no one believed me when I told them what happened the night my mother was killed._ But he was thinking it. If Len remembered their time together as well as Barry did, Len already knew that story. If not, there was no point in bringing it up. It wasn’t related to this case.

Len had believed him then. Barry desperately wanted Len to believe him now. But he still couldn’t make out any hint as to what Len might be feeling. Len said nothing, just waited for Barry to go on. So Barry forced himself to continue.

“I was supposed to be at work when the shooting happened, but I had taken the day off. I’d called in sick. I know that’s unusual, for a speedster to get sick; our metabolisms burn off most illnesses like they’re nothing. But it _does_ happen! It’s not unheard of! Since metas became fairly common decades ago, viruses have mutated to affect even those with the highest healing rates.

“But I…I have no proof. It just felt like a bad flu. It was gone by the next day. Long gone before I’d even considered going to a doctor. No way to have proof the illness was real.

“The cops investigating found my fingerprints where the shooters said they’d met to plan the attack. It was a warehouse I’d been to before for old crime scene cases, so of course my fingerprints were there. But still they’re using that against me, too.

“I thought…when I was first accused, I never thought the charges would stick. I knew I was innocent. It was just so preposterous to me that I’d ever be involved in something like that; I thought it would be obvious they were lying. I was so torn up over Iris and Joe’s conditions that I barely paid attention to the accusations at first. I should have gotten ahead of it, but I just honestly believed it would never make it to court, let alone to a possible conviction. But…

“But no one is standing up for me. Joe isn’t coherent enough to understand the charges. Half the time he thinks I’m still a little kid, defending my father again, when they ask about me. Iris is unconscious. Captain Singh is unconscious. They would have stuck up for me. They would have vouched for my character.

“But _Eddie_ …Eddie _believes_ it. He _actually_ believes I could do it! He really thinks I could hurt Iris, and Joe, and all those people I worked with, like this!” Barry couldn’t help it; tears started falling down his cheeks as he talked.

“I know Eddie was never my biggest fan. But I never would have guessed he could believe I’m capable of this! We weren’t friends exactly, but I respected him! He made Iris happy, clearly cared about her, so I…but maybe that was part of the problem…

“I used to have a little crush on Iris. I’d gotten over it _years_ ago! Iris told Eddie about it, she teased me about it sometimes. We both knew by then we weren’t compatible like that. We were best friends, she was… _is_ my sister! But I swore I still saw Eddie eying me with jealousy sometimes. But I didn’t think it was a big deal. I figured he’d gotten over it once he felt more secure in his relationship with Iris; she _did_ accept his marriage proposal.

“But besides that, he…Eddie never liked that I had chosen to be a CSI. He thought, with my powers, that I ought to be out in the field fighting like he was. Two speedster cops would make the CCPD unstoppable, he always said. But that just wasn’t the kind of cop I wanted to be! I’m not…I don’t like _fighting_. I don’t like running around constantly. I don’t like using my speed like that.

“I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be a cop, or a vigilante. Maybe you remember I told you that before, when we were at the orphanage. My mom was a speedster, and a vigilante, and it got her _killed_.

“One of her enemies killed her, and framed my innocent, powerless, human dad for it. He’s still rotting in prison, and I grew up without either of them. Everything my mom did for the city, all the time she sacrificed with me and my dad to keep everyone safe…and she never got justice.

“Joe and Iris were a great family to have. But they could never replace Nora and Henry, my parents.”

Barry had told himself he wasn’t going to talk about the past, but once he got started he found he couldn’t stop.

“I’d known for a long time that I wanted to go into a science career. I can use my speed for that, too. Not for all of the experiments, some have to be done in regular time. But with thinking, planning, noticing details as I watch everything move in slow motion like it does for me when I tap into my speed. I knew I could contribute a lot to the world as a scientist. I didn’t need or want to be a fighter or a hero, especially after what happened with my parents.

“With 25% of the population being metas, there are plenty of others with powers to go into law enforcement. Even other speedsters. But Eddie didn’t see it that way. He kept trying to convince me to change my mind.

“I’d already compromised by becoming a CSI in the first place. I hadn’t wanted to become a cop at all. But Joe kept mentioning how as a CSI I could try and prove my dad’s innocence. Iris liked the idea of me becoming a cop; she’d wanted to be one herself before Joe convinced her otherwise. I trusted both their advice. I listened and let myself be talked into it.

“I don’t regret it, not really. I really wanted to learn the skills. I liked the idea of being part of making the justice system better; of making sure the truly guilty people got convicted and innocent people went free. Hopefully proving my dad’s innocence was just part of that.

“But Joe didn’t really believe I could prove my dad innocent. Joe thought it was the only way I’d finally see all the evidence pointed to my dad _having_ killed my mom, finally accept it, and move on. That will never happen! I know the truth of that night! But I…

“I’m rambling. I’m going off topic. I’m sorry,” Barry winced. “But this is why no one supported me. Eddie didn’t understand my reasons for being a CSI. He’d always been suspicious of me, no matter how much Iris tried to convince him to trust me.

“The other cops resented me in much the same way. They wanted me out in the field, dodging bullets and taking down meta criminals. They thought the only reason I was there was to try and clear my dad, which was _sort_ of true…but I did my best on _all_ my cases! I was a damn good CSI! I believed in the system being used to get fair justice for everyone and wanted to do my part!

“But it was never good enough for them. They still saw me as the son of a killer, trying to find a loophole to get him off. None of them stood up for me. They easily bought into the lie that I’d had something to do with the shooting at the station. They wanted someone to blame, and I fit the bill.

“Without Iris, or Joe, or even Singh, able to speak for me, no one was left that believed in me. No one stood up for me. No one told them I wasn’t capable of this. No one…”

Barry paused and tried to get his emotions under control. It still hurt, deeply, that no one trusted him. He’d given everything he could to that job, but it made no difference. All they saw was a speedster wasting his powers on science, not standing next to them in real danger. All they saw was a weird lab rat with a convicted killer for a father.

“So the case has gone to court,” Barry forced himself to continue. “The DA, Cecille Horton, she’s really fond of Joe. They’ve dated on and off. But she’d never really gotten to know _me_. She listened to everyone on the force that didn’t trust me. She believes I’m guilty. She believes it’s _my_ fault Joe is hurt, that I betrayed him, and…

“She’s prosecuting this case with everything she has. I’m…it’s not going well. My lawyer managed to get me out on bail as long as I wear an ankle monitor, but the trial has pretty much gone downhill from there. It’s almost over now and my lawyer…he’s told me to prepare for the worst. I…the case rests tomorrow. The verdict could come any time after that. I…”

Barry was shaking, vibrating, by then. Tears ran down his face. All his resolve to look strong and not use his powers had failed him as his emotions took over. He didn’t notice the cold anymore.

Len had said nothing and just let Barry talk. But in a way, that was _wonderful_. No one had just let him talk; tell his side, since he’d been accused! Even his lawyer was more eager to offer strategies and warnings than listen to Barry. Whether he was actually innocent or not didn’t matter as long as the legal fees were being paid.

“So…you want me to keep you out of prison?” Len asked, after giving Barry a few moments to collect himself.

“No! Well, I mean _yes_ , but not…it’s not _about_ my going to prison or not…I want to be proven _innocent_! If I’m not…if I’m convicted, or if there’s a mistrial even if I escape prison, it means the actual accomplice to the shooting goes free! They could do something like this again! If everyone thinks I did it, they’ll stop looking for the real criminal! Iris, Joe, everyone deserves _justice_!”

“I’m not exactly in the serving justice business, Barry.”

Len’s words were harsh, but his tone was soft. It took some of the sting out, but it still hurt. Barry choked back a sob and pressed his fists against his eyes in an attempt to force himself to stop crying.

“But I _am_ in the business of taking care of _my_ people,” Len continued. “So here’s what I can offer you; we’ll get you out of this. So late in the game, it might have to be with a mistrial at first. But after, we’ll work to prove your innocence and find the real culprit.

“In exchange, you will work for me, _permanently_. You will be loyal to me and my Rogues, first, last, and always.”

Barry inhaled sharply at the words. He blinked past his remaining tears to stare at Len, even though he still couldn’t make out the man’s expression.

“There are a few ways that can go. One, you get your job back at CCPD and secretly work for me there.” Len continued before Barry could protest, “ _Or_ two, you give that up and become the _Rogues’_ CSI and scientist.

“I know it might still go against your morals, but that way you would at least not have to pretend to be working for the police. It would entail helping to cover up crimes, yes, sometimes even murder. But we don’t frame innocent people. And just as often it would be to help prove we aren’t involved in something when we genuinely aren’t.

“Often times it won’t even have to do with the law, but investigating attacks against us, or threats, that sort of thing. I will keep you out of the field, out of the fighting, as much as possible, as you’ve said you want.

“If that’s s _till_ too much for you, another option is that we can move you to other science pursuits not directly related to crime or evidence. We could find other avenues for your skills. We have other scientists too, and they might have projects that interest you. You’d still be working to further the Rogues’ goals, but not as directly. A lot of the projects have further reaching results than just those for the Rogues. You could find new purpose with us.

“It wouldn’t be a bad life, Barry. I wouldn’t be able to abide disobedience or questioning my authority in public. But I’d be willing to discuss with you, _privately_ , taking you off any project that makes you too uncomfortable. As long as we find something for you to do that uses your skills and helps us.

“If you’re loyal to us, we’ll be loyal to you. The Rogues stand up for each other. We have each others’ backs, _always_. You could rely on us. Unlike the police force.

“But it’s up to you to decide if you can live with it; being in bed with the mob; if you think it’s worth it for you. Once you agree, I won’t accept betrayal or abandonment. You have to willingly devote yourself to this fully, permanantly.”

Barry’s heart was racing. He realized he was sweating, despite how cold it was in the room. He opened and closed his mouth several times, searching for words, but nothing came out. Barry’s brain felt like it was frozen, unable to understand what he’d been offered.

Len’s face was still frustratingly unreadable. Barry found himself still staring at it anyway, searching to make sense of what was happening. Barry was just in shock and so confused!

Barry had expected to be turned down. Barry had expected to be asked for money, or favors. But a _lifetime_ commitment?! To a criminal organization?! But if he said no, he’d likely be going to _prison_ for life. Here, at least he’d have the chance at some sort of freedom. And the person actually responsible for the station shooting could be caught.

“Would I…would I still be able to see Iris and Joe, and visit my father?” Barry asked hesitantly.

“Of course! I’d never keep you away from your family, Barry. You would still have total freedom during your off hours.

“You could keep your apartment. You wouldn’t have to live at one of the Rogues houses, though I would recommend it. It would be safer if you stayed with us. But you can decide that later. Either way, you won’t be my prisoner. You can come and go as you like, as long as you fulfill your work duties and remain loyal to me.

“We can work on a cover for your family, if you want, make it look legit. Or we can discuss you telling them the truth; depending on a great many factors we can go into at length later. 

“If you had come and seen me sooner, we would have more time to work out the details before you needed to decide,” Len scowled. Barry could see enough of his face to make that out.

Barry’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the admonishment. He looked down guiltily at his ankle monitor, still blinking away and recording his location. It would send an alert to the police if Barry wasn’t headed home by 2am, the closing time for bars. With the trial ending tomorrow, they only had tonight to work this out.

“I…I thought about it,” Barry admitted. “But I just…I just kept wanting to believe the trial would turn around. I kept wanting to believe they couldn’t convict an innocent man. I should have known better. Especially after what happened with my father.

“And I…I wasn’t sure you’d even remember me, let alone be willing to help me.”

Len sighed, visibly. Then, to Barry’s shock, Len took off his glasses and pulled back his hood. He looked straight at Barry, with inhumanly bright blue eyes thanks to his powers. Barry inhaled sharply at the sight. The intensity of the blue dimmed, and as it did the room began to slowly warm up. Those eyes studied Barry, as Barry studied Len.

Len’s hair was close cropped and mostly silver. He was only a few years older than Barry, but the frost color was thanks to his powers too. He looked amazingly gorgeous to Barry. But what really took Barry’s breath away was the kindness and concern he saw in those eyes.

But did he really see it, or was he imagining it? Did he recognize his childhood friend and assume this adult Len would have the same goodness in him? Was it wishful thinking? Could he afford to be wrong? There was so much at stake!

Barry felt sick to his stomach with indecision. He was still shivering slightly.

“Barry…when was the last time you ate?” Len asked suddenly.

“I…uhm…I had a whole box of pop tarts this morning,” Barry admitted lamely.

“So considering it’s nearly ten at night, nothing for hours,” Len scolded with a sigh. “And pop tarts are far from a balanced breakfast.”

“I’ve had a lot on my mind, ok?!” Barry snapped, annoyed that Len was focusing on something so minor and unimportant compared to everything going on.

Len’s eyes widened in surprise at the outburst. Barry realized with a sinking feeling how rude he was being. But Len’s face broke into a pleased smirk, as if happy Barry wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself.

Len got up and made his way to a door in the back of the room, opened it and stepped out, all without a word of explanation. Barry blinked in shock, worried he’d entirely misread him. Was Len actually pissed? Should Barry have agreed immediately?! Was he missing his chance?! That sudden fear was enough to spur Barry to make a decision.

Len came back, to Barry’s relief. He was carrying something, but Barry ignored it and hurried to open his mouth to speak. But Len held up a finger for silence.

“We’ll be brought food in a few minutes. Eat, and then take some time and think. We do have a few hours yet before you have to make your choice. I won’t accept it until you’ve eaten and at least taken a half hour after that to consider.”

Barry’s mouth fell open in shock and his heart warmed in his chest. This man was the same Len; Barry knew in that instant. He might have more layers of cold surrounding himself, protecting himself, now. But he was the same kind person Barry had known all those years ago.

Len walked toward him and Barry could only blink in confusion. Then Len dropped a big blue parka over Barry’s shoulders, and pulled up the fluffy hood over Barry’s head. Barry instantly felt warmer and safer.

“Wear that. You need to warm up,” Len ordered.

Barry certainly wasn’t going to argue. He wasn’t sure what he had done to inspire Len to do this, since he hadn’t agreed to the deal yet. But he was still grateful.

Len shrugged on a leather jacket and Barry lamented the loss of the sight of those gorgeous bare arms. But it meant Len was done making a show of being threatening, at least for now. The ice on his hands had already melted off and they were returning to a more natural color, as were his eyes, and hair. He was relaxing around Barry, and letting Barry do the same.

Barry smiled, wide and warm, and was rewarded with seeing Len’s expression soften further. Just for a split second, and then it was gone. But it couldn’t just be Barry’s imagination. This was too much evidence to dismiss as just wishful thinking.

Barry would eat, and consider, as Len had said. But Barry knew he’d already made his choice. Time would just reassure Barry it was the right one, he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really blown away by the positive reaction to this fic so far, so thank you so much! It’s great encouragement!
> 
> Next chapter will be Len POV and some flashbacks. Hope you’ll look forward to it!


	3. Chapter 3

Barry Allen’s smile was dangerous, Len noted to himself. At least to _Len_ it was. It was when they were children and it was now, despite all the time they’d spent apart and how much Len had tried to prepare himself to resist it. It shouldn’t affect Len that much just to see Barry smiling at him. But damn it, Barry shouldn’t be that happy just because Len _remembered_ him! _Of course_ Len remembered him!

Len had never forgotten Barry. In fact, he’d kept track of him over the years. First, to make sure Joe West was a good man despite being a cop; a man worthy of adopting Barry, as Barry believed. Then, checking in every so often to make sure Barry was doing ok.

Len kept his distance, but he kept tabs on Barry. Len had wanted to directly contact Barry, of course he had. But Len’s own fate had been sealed long before he’d met Barry. A righteous path hadn’t been an option for Len, even then. The criminal life wasn’t for everyone. It was dangerous and full of moral grey areas. Some people preferred to see the world in black and white. It made things simpler, though more boring, in Len’s opinion.

Len wanted to give Barry a chance to make that choice for himself. He wanted Barry to have a chance to choose his life path for himself. He knew Barry saw him as a friend. If Len was a part of Barry’s life, Barry would feel compelled to join Len in the shadows, or draw Len out into the light.

Len knew the light wasn’t meant for him; being a cold criminal suited Len fine. But Barry deserved having the option to stay warm out in that light. Barry could find Len if he wanted to. Barry was smart enough to, and Len always left just enough breadcrumbs to ensure he could.

As Len began to amass power in the criminal underworld, Barry went to college and studied science. If Barry had become a simple scientist, a researcher, something more neutral, Len might have considered approaching him. But Barry chose the side of the law as a CSI; firmly putting himself opposite Len on the light and dark scale. So Len had stayed away from Barry.

Len had watched as Barry was accused of being involved in the police station shooting. He’d watched as reports of the trial glibly detailed how justice was being served, how certain a harsh conviction was closing in on Barry. Len was very, very tempted to intercede. But still he waited and didn’t interfere.

If Len pulled strings to get Barry off, swooping in like some dark guardian angel, there was no guarantee Barry would be grateful for it. Barry was a cop now, Len had reasoned. Cops loved their rules, their laws; order and justice by their ways _only_. Len had kept track of Barry, but that didn’t include much insight into Barry’s own moral code besides his choice to be a cop.

Barry could just as easily have resented and rejected Len’s help as thanked him for it. It was the same reasoning that Len had used to stay out of Barry’s investigation into Henry Allen’s case. If Barry wanted to solve it himself, with no one’s help, Len wasn’t about to get in his way.

But now, Barry had come to Len for help, entirely on his own; his own choice. Barry had arranged this meeting himself, making contact with one of Len’s henchmen and asking to see Len. Barry had stubbornly stood his ground as he got laughed at, threatened, and told to get lost. He hadn’t faltered until they’d agreed to call Len and ask for the meeting. Of course Len had agreed.

Now Barry was sitting next to Len, at Len’s table, in Len’s meeting room, wearing Len’s parka, eating the food Len had ordered from the bar Len owned. And every so often pausing, looking up, and _smiling_ at Len. Smiling like he thought he was safe, like he still trusted Len, like they were still friends, like being that close to Len again delighted him. And every time Barry smiled at him, Len’s damn heart sped up in his chest in response.

Barry’s smile was dangerous. Len couldn’t afford to appear weak. As powerful as the Rogues were, they still had enemies. Enemies that would jump at the sight of Len granting favors to a _cop_. Len certainly couldn’t just grant Barry’s request and get nothing in return. They had to come to an arrangement, a proper deal. It would be safer for everyone, Barry included, that way.

Len had planned to take it much slower, when he’d agreed to this meeting, before he saw Barry up close in person again. He’d known Barry was likely to ask him for help, and Len had been willing to offer it. But he’d planned to be much harsher about it. Len had planned to let the trial continue, to let Barry get convicted. Len had planned to let Barry go to prison, just for a few days. Len would have gotten him out, of course. But that way he’d maintain appearances of being appropriately harsh with a _cop_ that had the audacity to ask _the mob_ for help.

But seeing Barry smile at him, seeing Barry in tears because no one had faith in him, it was damn difficult for Len to maintain his cold front. Len’s icy shield had cracked, and he couldn’t convince himself to reform it.

What had Len amassed all this power for, after all, if not to get what he wanted? Len wanted Barry. Barry was finally there, asking for Len. So he would be Len’s. The consequences could be dealt with.

What Len _wasn’t_ willing to deal with was allowing Barry to slip away from him again, or to needlessly suffer. He’d given Barry his chance in the light of the law. The law had spit on Barry and condemned him. It wasn’t getting another chance. It might be cold and dark in Len’s world, but they took care of their own. Barry would make an amazing Rogue, once he made up his mind to be and agreed to the deal.

Len was confident Barry would agree to the terms, it was just a matter of time. But when Barry _did_ agree, Len didn’t want it to be with hesitation. Barry needed to commit to this while understanding what he was getting himself into. So he’d do it with a full stomach, warm body, and clear head. So Len had given into the urge Barry’s smile formed in him, and switched tactics from cold intimidation to kind reassurance.

Len snacked on a few fries as he watched Barry eat his fifth cheeseburger, clearly enjoying the meal. It was fitting, Len supposed, that food played a part in bringing the two of them back together. It had played a large part in their first meeting, as well.

\----------------------------------------------

Len smirked as the lock clicked open, slid his picks back in his pocket, and then quickly opened the large medicine cabinet. He scanned the shelves, looking for the pills that’d go for the most money on the street, but not garner too much attention. For a rundown orphanage, they kept the medicine cabinet fairly well stocked. He had his choice of pills to steal.

He had a good thing going with the dealer down on 32rd street. Len supplied whatever he could, whenever he could, and the guy paid him decently for it. Not as much as he’d turn around and sell the pills for, but enough.

Len wasn’t particularly fond of being part of the illegal drug trade. He’d seen how addiction could ruin lives. But in his current situation he couldn’t afford to be too picky. The orphanage carried enough pills that Len could skim some off the top of bottles and they’d never be missed. But he didn’t have the resources to pull a bigger heist, either at the orphanage or nearby. If he got caught, he’d be going straight to juvie. The orphanage was bad, but juvie was worse. So Len bid his time and waited, no matter how much he hated staying at the orphanage.

Len pushed pills, got paid, and saved everything he earned for his trouble. Eventually he would have enough to make a go of it on his own. He could slip out of the orphanage, buy a fake ID, a bus ticket, check on Lisa, maybe visit Mick, and get far enough away to lay low and plan for awhile. _Then_ he could do a proper heist, once he figured out how to pull one off.

If his father had taught him anything, it was that rushing in with a half assed plan was a recipe for disaster. Of course, that lesson had come unintentionally. Len’s old man never had one good plan his entire life, and he paid the consequences for that. Len wasn’t about to repeat his mistakes. Len pushed thoughts of his father aside, and concentrated on dropping pills into little baggies.

Len tensed as loud footsteps echoed down the hall, getting closer. No one was due to use the infirmary; they might just be passing by. But no reason to risk it. He shoved the pills in his backpack, closed the medicine cabinet and clicked the lock back in place, then quickly ducked into a low cabinet half full of bandages.

It was a tight squeeze, his neck was bent at an uncomfortable angle and his head still pressed into the top of the cabinet, but he managed. This wouldn’t work much longer, he worried. He was small for 16, but he was getting taller. As crappy as the food the orphanage served was, Len did get steady full meals there. More than he’d gotten at home growing up. His body was making up for years of borderline malnutrition and growing quickly.

But he had the cabinet door closed before the infirmary door opened and people walked in, and that was the important part. Len kept himself still, keeping his breathing as quiet as possible. He wiled himself calm. A sudden cold draft coming from the cabinet would give him away just as surely as any noise he made. Power dampeners were set out in the hall, but the infirmary was free of them to allow metas to heal. Len listened to the adults in the room talk in loud voices, hoping they wouldn’t need any bandages.

“So you’re not _sure_ he’s a speedster?!” A voice Len recognized as the orphanage director bit out angrily. “He still needs tested?!”

“Well there’s nothing I can do about that! You should have had the police take him to a hospital and run the test before you admitted him!” The voice of the orphanage’s nurse snapped.

“I _know_ that! But after those other little brats ran off, we need to keep our number up or the government stops sending us money!” The director barked back. “We need at least 100 kids here to make any profit at all!”

“That’s _your_ problem! Only _a doctor_ can administer the test! It’s not my fault you’re too cheap to have a doctor come in more often than once a month for check-ups! I’ve told you I’m not enough for all these meta kids!”

“You’re making a great case for getting yourself _fired_ , Miss Kafllins! And good luck getting another job with your record!”

“You can threaten me all you want, but I can’t give that boy the powers test! I can’t even access the program for it without a doctor’s license number, less alone submit it! If he _is_ a speedster, you need to get him registered as that instead of an unclassified meta! He’ll need ten times the food as a normal kid if he’s a speedster, at least! The government will have to agree to pay for it.”

“And if he _isn’t_ a speedster, I get jack squat!” The director snarled. “In fact, I’d be down the money to bring a doctor in, plus the processing and submission fees for the test! So no fucking way! He can wait two weeks until the doctor’s normal visit!”

“If he doesn’t eat enough to keep up with his metabolism, he’ll keep passing out like he just did!” The nurse protested.

“So what?! So he passes out! One less noisy kid running around! Just throw him onto his bed and forget him! If he’s a speedster, he’ll have enough healing powers to survive it! Might get weak and not wake up for awhile, but so what?”

“He could _die_ if he doesn’t get enough nutrients for two whole weeks!”

“Bullshit! Meta kids are tough! And he might not even be a speedster! He might just be exhausted because he’s been crying nonstop since he got here! Isn’t that what _you_ said?!”

“Well, yes, we can’t be certain without the test. But _he_ said he’s a speedster. His mother was one, so it makes sense.”

“But yet he couldn’t demonstrate his power when you asked.”

“That’s normal for a child his age! Powers don’t stabilize until metas are somewhere between 17 and 20 years old. Only the tissue sample test would tell us for sure, which we need a doctor to perform.”

“I _know_ that!” The director bellowed. “But he’s just as likely making it up looking for sympathy and attention! No one’s buying his bullshit about how his dad’s innocent, so he’s trying a new story on for size and seeing if anyone will listen!”

“If he’s a speedster and he doesn’t get enough to eat…if he _dies_ , this whole place will get shut down!”

“Well that’s why we’re _here_! I _told_ you we had a speedster here before, before you were hired. I _know_ there’s a box or two of meta nutrient bars around here _somewhere_. He can survive on those for awhile!”

After a few more moments of arguing, the voices went silent, replaced by loud noises of rummaging around. Len bit down on his lip and clenched his fists in the cabinet. He felt bad for whatever kid they’d been talking about, but he was too focused on his own predicament to think much about anyone else.

If they started looking everywhere for those bars, it was only a matter of time before he was caught. But there was nothing he could do about it besides wait and hope it didn’t go that far. The infirmary was too small for him to sneak out unnoticed. He had to wait until they left before he could move.

“There! Here they are! See, I told you!” The director’s voice announced in triumph; causing Len to let out a silent sigh of relief.

“These have been expired for two years!” The nurse protested.

“So what?! They’re still sealed! I’m sure they’re fine!”

“He’ll need three a day, on top of regular meals, to get enough calories. There’s not enough to last two weeks.”

“He’ll get one a day. No more. You’ll give it to him personally every morning. He might be hungry, but he’ll survive. Good enough.”

Len scowled, alone in the cabinet. He knew what going hungry felt like. People that had to wait a few extra hours for a meal talked like they knew what being truly hungry was. But they had no clue. Len doubted that asshole of a director had ever truly gone hungry for a day in his life.

Len waited for the nurse to argue more, to tell the director she wouldn’t stand for it. But the words never came. Instead, Len soon heard the sound of footsteps moving away, and then the infirmary door shutting closed.

Len waited a few minutes, heard nothing, and so cautiously crawled out of the cabinet. The infirmary was empty. Apparently the nurse had decided to listen to the director.

Len wasn’t surprised, but he’d still been foolishly hoping for better. It was typical of the people that worked at that orphanage. They did just enough to not get shut down, and nothing more.

Len felt bad for whatever kid they’d been talking about. But he wasn’t Len’s problem, he told himself. Len had it rough, too. He had enough to worry about, taking care of himself. The kid’s life would be miserable for awhile, but he’d survive.

Len was resolved to not get involved. But then he actually met Barry Allen.


	4. Chapter 4

“Give that back! I _need_ it!”

“Didn’t your mother teach you to share? Before she _died_ , I mean. No one gets extra candy around here.”

“It’s not candy! It’s a power bar! I _need_ it! I’m a speedster and I need it for the calories!”

“Oh, really, _you_ , a speedster?

“ _Prove_ it! Run, Barry, run!

“There’s no dampeners out here in the yard! Run and take your little candy bar back from us if you can!

“You _can’t_ , can you!? You’re a _liar_!”

Len stood a short distance away and listened to the taunts. They were cruel, spoken by the gang of big bullies that terrorized the smaller kids at the orphanage. The new kid, Barry, was surrounded by the bastards and small enough that Len could barely even see what he looked like. He could just make out a mop of brown hair, and big green eyes looking around frantically for an adult to help him. None would, Len knew.

If any of the orphanage staff was even around, they just left the kids to work out their own problems unless a significant injury happened. It was a life lesson, they said. Kids needed to learn how to take care of themselves, and get along with others, they said. Meta kids needed to learn how to control their powers, they said.

They should have had proper meta classes to learn how to control their powers. But employing a meta licensed to teach those was expensive. It was a rough job, one requiring someone with lots of experience and power themselves to make sure the kids didn’t get hurt while practicing. Usually there were only a handful of licensed meta teachers in any city and they visited local schools on a set schedule for classes. But that cost significant amount of money because they were so high in demand. Money the orphanage director didn’t want to spend.

They’d tried to have unlicensed teachers help the orphans with their powers, but none had lasted long. It was far too dangerous a position for the untrained, especially for the amount the director offered for the job.

So the director had given up and decreed the kids would just have to learn and practice on their own. It was a recipe for disaster, but so far nothing too horrible had come of it as far as Len knew. The staff didn’t care if the kids got hurt, as long as they healed before anyone outside the orphanage noticed. If kids complained, at best no one listened…at worst, the kids themselves got blamed and shipped off to juvie where it was worse. Typical adult behavior, in Len’s experience. So nothing changed.

The kids had free reign to practice in the yard, until someone looked like they might get seriously injured; only then did the adults step in. It would teach the kids consequences, they said. Realistically, none of them cared enough to put themselves at risk to stop the fights. So they let them happen in the hopes the kids would tire themselves out fighting amongst themselves, and not turn on the adults.

That attitude had almost gotten Len killed. He’d been surrounded by similar bullies when he’d first ended up at that orphanage. One would have stabbed him with the shiv they’d pulled out, if Mick hadn’t stepped in.

Mick couldn’t stand bullies. He liked fighting, was good at it, and big enough to make anyone there think twice about crossing him. Even if his fire powers weren’t reliable yet, he was still a threat with just his fists. He would have done the same for this kid as he’d done for Len, probably, if he were there. But Mick, shockingly, had gotten adopted a few months back.

He’d ended up on a farm, essentially working there for his room and board under the guise of being a family. They’d picked him for his size; knowing he’d be a strong worker. Mick wrote Len about it. His adoptive parents didn’t pretend to love him, and Mick had no delusions they ever would, but they treated him decently enough. They even let him burn big bonfires once a week, if he kept it under control.

So Mick was happy enough, certainly better off than he’d been at the orphanage, and Len was happy for him. Len wouldn’t have forgiven Mick if he ran away to be with Len and lost that arrangement, no matter how much Mick’s friendship meant to Len. It was a good set-up for Mick, and Len let him know it. Mick reluctantly agreed to stay put when Len promised they’d meet up again later, once Len had a plan in motion. But it meant Len was alone, for now.

Len was no Mick. He knew how to fight well enough. But he was still smaller than most kids there. He could hold his own one on one, sometimes. But against that many bigger kids? He didn’t stand a chance on his own. His powers, like most of the kids’ there, were still hard to control. They might help, or they might fail him just when he needed them.

So Len didn’t jump in in defense of the new kid. He knew Barry was telling the truth about the power bar, but so what? The truth didn’t matter to those bullies. If Len stepped up, they’d both likely end up taking a beating instead of just Barry. Len felt guilty about it, but not guilty enough to put his own neck on the line for a stranger.

Later, he wished he _had_ helped Barry out of the goodness of his heart. He wished he could have said he’d cared enough to at least try. He wished he could have said he’d jumped in, consequences be damned. But he hadn’t. Len wasn’t that good, or that self sacrificing.

The bullies kept taunting, and Barry made a valiant effort to push back, but he was no match for them. Len hoped he’d make it out with nothing worse than the power bar gone and a few bruises. If he’d just stayed down, maybe he would have. But Barry stubbornly kept getting back up, kept demanding they return the food, and kept insisting he was telling the truth. And they kept shoving him back down onto the ground.

Len respected the kid’s resolve. But it wouldn’t help him here. Smarter to stay down and go hungry for a day. Smarter to accept life, especially in that orphanage, would never be fair.

But instead, Barry got up again, was shoved down again, and this time his head smacked painfully against the ground.

Len winced. Later, he wished he could have said that was what spurred him into action. He wished he could have said it was Barry’s tears afterward. He wished he’d done it because hearing Barry cry touched some final sympathetic nerve inside and pushed Len to save him.

But it was none of that.

“Oh, stop crying, you big baby! That’s all you do! _Wah-wah-wah, my mom is dead! Wah-wah-wah, my dad is innocent!_ Shut the fuck up already!” The leader of the bullies scoffed, “Only _babies_ cry! Learn to be a _man_! Men don’t cry!

“It’s time to grow up and be a man! Men don’t cry!”

Len felt his body turn cold at those words. He’d heard them before. Not from that idiot bully, but from his _father_. His father, while he _beat_ Len for even the slightest sniffle of a tear.

Before he’d even realized he was moving, Len was charging the bullies. He jumped on them and started punching as hard as he could. The fight was a blur to Len while it happened. He was so overcome with emotion; anger, vengeance, even fear; that he barely knew what he was doing. But his powers responded to his intense feelings and the bullies didn’t stand a chance.

Later, Len realized his fists had been covered in ice the entire time he swung punches. He broke one boy’s jaw, another’s cheekbone, one’s eye socket, one’s nose. But they’d survive. The staff was shaking from the cold when they finally deemed it time to break up the fight and pulled Len off of the other kids.

Thankfully, Len had calmed enough by then to not turn on the teachers too. Len was even more grateful he hadn’t hurt Barry, despite how out of control his powers had been. The kid had been through enough without Len adding to his trauma.

\---------------------------------

The bullies left Barry and Len alone after that.

Barry latched onto Len after that.

Len thought he would mind. He _ought_ to have minded. He didn’t need a little kid trailing after him like a puppy, with big puppy eyes to match, and treating Len like he was some kind of hero.

But Len found he didn’t mind, even in the beginning. He’d been lonely since Mick left, even if he’d refused to admit it to himself.

The orphanage director assigned Barry to room with Len after the fight, which was meant to be a punishment for them both. But it didn’t seem like one to either of them, they realized soon after.

“Why did he act like this was a bad thing, my rooming with you?” Barry asked as he lugged his stuff into Len’s room. “Most kids are four or six to a room here. Just us two together seems great!”

The room was the same size as the ones they packed kids into. But it only had one bunk bed, instead of two or three. There was a beat up dresser containing Len’s meager possessions, leaving most of the drawers empty. Otherwise the room was free of furniture. They didn’t bother to give the kids desks or chairs in their rooms. There were classrooms and the dining hall with tables and chairs for them to use, they said. In most bedrooms, there wasn’t room for them anyway. In Len’s room, it was obvious the space was half bare.

But it had suited Len fine. He could sit on the floor and plan in privacy. At least he could, before Barry joined him.

“I keep to myself,” Len explained. “I don’t like playing nice with others. So he thinks having you around will drive me crazy. But as long as you’re not _too_ annoying, I can live with it. It’ll be worth it, for teaching those assholes a lesson. They’ve acted like kings around here for too long.”

Barry nodded, accepting the answer easily enough. Len almost didn’t explain the rest. But seeing how trusting and unafraid of him Barry was, Len had to continue.

“Also, I don’t have very good control of my powers yet,” Len explained. “Sometimes that means I’ll make the room freezing and not be able to stop. Sometimes it happens when I’m asleep. They haven’t been willing to risk sticking anyone else with me since the last kid they tried got frostbite on his nose while we were both asleep. It was bad enough he had to go to the hospital and they still couldn’t save the tip of his nose.”

Barry winced and swallowed nervously at that. But then an expression of stubborn resolve crossed his face.

“Well, I’m a speedster, so I should be able to heal fine from a little frostbite.”

Barry stared at Len, as if daring him to call Barry a liar. Clearly, no one had believed Barry was a speedster, and it was still weeks until the doctor would be around to check. But Len saw no reason to contradict Barry, so he didn’t. He did grin at little in appreciation of Barry’s bravery.

“Thank you again, for saving me!” Barry felt the need to repeat then. “It’s so unfair they’re blaming us for it! You were just defending me! They started it! They didn’t even give my power bar back!”

“Don’t mention it,” Len told him, again.

He really wished Barry would stop acting like Len had done it out of the goodness of his heart. He hadn’t. But he couldn’t explain that to Barry. That would require telling him _why_ he actually did it. Len hated talking about his father. He hated even more admitting that just the memory of something the man had said to him had triggered such a violent and uncontrollable reaction from Len.

“As for fairness…you won’t find much of that in this place,” Len cautioned. “Don’t expect the adults to help you here. They’re just in it for a paycheck. If they’re not, they move on soon enough. Nothing here ever changes. Just keep your head down and do what you need to to survive until you age out of the system.”

“I…” Barry hesitated, then continued, “I’m going to be adopted. A friend of my father’s promised me he would, just as soon as he gets approval. But…he’s human, so it might take awhile for him to be given permission to adopt a meta kid.”

Barry was looking at Len like he expected Len to argue with him. Len couldn’t say he believed the kid. It seemed very unlikely to happen, no matter what Barry had been promised. But Barry clearly believed it. False hopes could be dangerous, Len thought. But at the same time, miracles did sometimes happen. If they hadn’t, Mick wouldn’t have gotten adopted by half-way decent people. Len saw no reason to tell Barry he was wrong, so he just nodded and didn’t comment.

“How old are you, kid?” Len asked instead.

“I’m 14. You?”

“16.”

Len would have thought Barry was younger, if he’d had to guess. He wasn’t as thin as Len; his cheeks were a little chubby. He clearly hadn’t had to worry about food until coming to the orphanage. But he was shorter and smaller overall.

Barry blinked in surprise at Len’s age, too. He probably thought Len was younger, too. Someday, Len promised himself, once he got out of here, he was going to make sure he took care of his body to try and make up for all it’d had to endure through the years growing up. With proper food and regular exercise, Len hoped he wouldn’t always be such a shrimp. 

But regardless of their sizes, Barry and Len had each other’s backs from then on. Len brought back takeout when he slipped out at night. He swiped extra food from the cafeteria when he stayed in. Barry was still hungry; there was no way to steal enough to counter his metabolism, even with Len’s skills. But at least he wasn’t starving.

Len stole more blankets for Barry, and though Len knew he got cold some nights, Barry never complained. He never showed any signs of frost bite. Len made sure to check every morning when he woke up and he’d inadvertently made the room cold; inspecting Barry’s nose, fingers, and toes; despite it embarrassing them both. Len worked harder at controlling his powers for Barry’s benefit.

Len taught Barry how to sneak around the sections of the orphanage they weren’t supposed to be allowed into. Barry was resistant to learning how to pick locks at first, but he agreed when Len agreed to start participating in classes more often. Len was impressed by Barry’s ability to convince him of the deal. Len valued his brain, but he found schooling a bore at best, demeaning at worse. Still, it was marginally better with Barry around to talk about assignments with, even if they weren’t in the same grade. Len soon found Barry was far more intelligent than most kids, too.

As Len began to get to know Barry, began to see him as a friend, began to genuinely care for him; he wished he’d saved Barry out of the goodness of his heart and not the real reason. He began to realize even if he _did_ admit the truth to Barry, Barry would still consider Len a good person. Somehow, that made Len feel even more guilty.

Len wasn’t half as good a person as Barry was, Len knew. But he didn’t have it in him to push Barry away, either. Neither of them had anyone else, at that orphanage. So Len gave Barry what he could, even if he could never be as good a person as Barry.

He let Barry cry as much as he wanted to. Len never told him to stop. Len never called him a liar, or a baby. Len held him, when he leaned into Len and clearly wanted a hug. He didn’t tell Barry to get out of Len’s bunk and into his own when Barry couldn’t stand sleeping alone, even though it might be colder closer to Len.

Len knew it wasn’t enough to make up for not helping Barry right away in the first place. But it still counted for something. Or at least he hoped it did.

\-------------------------------------

 “They still didn’t believe me,” Barry sighed, coming into the room he shared with Len. “They _know_ now that it was the truth that I speed away from our house that night! They _know_ it’s the truth that my powers were triggered by what I saw! But they still don’t believe me about the speedster in yellow. They still don’t believe my father could be innocent. They know I’m a speedster, but they still think I imagined it all!”

They had gotten Barry tested, finally, when the doctor visited. He’d confirmed Barry was a speedster. So soon he’d be given bigger meals and fresh power bars, at least. But Barry had been hoping for more.

Barry had hoped that once they had proof he was a speedster, they’d believe him about his father’s innocence, too. He’d had a meeting at the CCPD with the cops investigating the case that day, now that he had proof he was a speedster. Len had doubted it would make any difference. But he was sorry to be right. All Barry wanted was for the adults to listen to his story and take him seriously. But that was asking too much, apparently.

So Len listened, when no one else would, even though he’d heard the story dozens of times already. Barry needed to tell it again, so Len listened. Len thought it helped, at least a little, for Barry to go over it again and again. It reminded him it was real; it was what he remembered, no matter what anyone said. Len told him, as he always did, to trust himself and his memories.

Barry had seen the speedster in yellow kill his mom. He’d watched as the yellow blur slapped meta cuffs on her so she couldn’t fight. He’d watched as the man got a knife and stabbed her. She’d told Barry to run, even as she screamed in pain, so he had. For the first time he experienced the same speed that she had, his powers triggered by fear. By the time the cops found him and brought him back to the house, they’d already arrested his father. They didn’t believe Barry was a speedster, and Barry couldn’t manage to use his speed again to prove it. They didn’t listen to Barry’s story about the speedster in yellow. They still didn’t.

“Never let anyone tell you that you’re remembering wrong,” Len told Barry. “It doesn’t matter how scared you were. It doesn’t matter how angry you are. You _know_ what you saw. Your memory is your truth. They’ll try to convince you that you’re wrong. They’ll try to tell you that your memory is false. Never believe them. Hold tight to your truth and never let it go.”

Barry looked at Len intently as he said it, and nodded in agreement, just like he did every time Len said some variation of that. Len hadn’t been able to tell Barry just how Len knew this. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to talk about it. Barry hadn’t pushed. But Len thought that maybe it was time. Barry’s hope that proof he was a speedster would make them listen to him had been dashed. Len didn’t know how sharing this might help Barry, but it was all Len could offer.

“My father beat me,” Len stated flatly, ignoring the sharp inhale Barry took at the words. “He beat me because I was too slow, or not smart enough, or _too_ smart, or because he was drunk, or for no reason at all.

“He called them _lessons_. But what I learned was that no one was ever going to believe me. He was a dirty cop, lost his job, but he still had enough friends on the force that any claim of abuse was filed away quietly and never investigated.

“I tried to tell people, and they never believed me. They told me I was imagining things. They told me I was making up stories to get attention. Eventually I started to believe them. I started to think maybe it _was_ my fault; that I wasn’t remembering right; that something was wrong with _me_.

“Until my father started hitting my little sister. That, I couldn’t dismiss as a dream. That wasn’t just about me anymore. That, I saw happen, real and horrible, right in front of me. She wasn’t even five years old yet when he started hitting her.

“Even both of us saying the same truth, no one believed. But I knew the truth then and held onto it. I did what I could to protect her.

“When…when my father went after her with a broken beer bottle, I…my powers…I _killed_ him. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted him to _stop_. I just wanted him to leave her alone.

“I’d never used my powers before. I didn’t even know I was a meta before that moment. I stood in front of my terrified little sister and put my hands up in front of myself. Then ice started shooting out of my hands. My father was frozen, dead, before I even realized what had happened.

“My father froze to death with a broken beer bottle raised in his hand, ready to hit us with it. The cops still didn’t want to believe us. But eventually the evidence was too much to ignore. After a long trial, it was ruled self defense. I got sent to this orphanage instead of juvie.

“My sister got adopted pretty quickly. She’s younger, pretty. She can be sweet when she wants to. She’s doing well, from what I hear. I’m glad. She deserves a good home, a loving family. But I…

“But no one wants a kid that killed his own father, self defense or not. No one wants a meta that might be dangerous enough to kill someone by accident. So I’ve been here for four years, and I’ll be here until I…

“It’s _fine_. It’s not like I want new parents. I don’t need a family. I just…If they’d just _believed_ me! If they’d gotten us out of there before he went after Lisa…it…things would have been different. Maybe we could have stayed together, Lisa and me. I don’t regret killing him, but…but I regret _having_ to. If they would have just _listened_ , I wouldn’t have had to.”

Len was crying, to his own shock. He hadn’t cried when he’d killed his father. He hadn’t cried when Lisa got adopted and left him alone. He hadn’t cried when the same happened with Mick and he was alone again.

He wasn’t crying because he’d killed his father, Len realized. He was crying because Barry knew now. Barry knew Len was a killer. Now Barry might leave him, too. 

Barry had said nothing, just listened, as Len had done for him. But then Barry hugged him, held him tightly, and didn’t tell Len not to cry.

“I’m so sorry they didn’t believe you either,” Barry whispered. “If I…if I could have killed the man in yellow instead of running away, I would have. I don’t blame you.

“I wish I could make it better somehow, for both of us. But just…all I can do is promise I’ll always believe you, just like you always believe me. We’ll always have each other’s backs. No matter what.”

Barry didn’t leave Len. At least not then. At least not for that.

Barry saw the good in Len, even when Len had lost sight of it himself.

Barry helped Len forgive himself. Not just for killing his father, but for not being able to convince anyone of the truth before it came to that. Len hadn’t even realized he’d been holding onto guilt over that. But with Barry, Len managed to see it and let it go.

They were good for each other, together at that orphanage, for as long as it lasted.


	5. Chapter 5

Joe West had been promising to adopt Barry since Barry had first come to the orphanage. It took time to legally adopt a metahuman child, especially for a regular human. It only made it more difficult that Joe was a working single father with a daughter to already care for. The courts dragged their feet, asked for more forms, more money, more assurances it was the best option for Barry. In the mean time, Barry stayed at the orphanage.

At least, that was what Barry told Len. Barry met with Joe every few weeks, in the city. Joe never made it to visit at the orphanage. The orphanage was over an hour drive from the city, and Joe was always too busy for the trip. But Len suspected the orphanage director encouraged the meetings to take place elsewhere.

The staff was happy enough to bus kids to meet prospective adoptive parents in the city, as long as it kept people away from the orphanage and any chance at finding proof of how badly it was run. The place held up under a quick inspection, but anyone looking closely for longer might begin to see the truth.

The orphanage was a miserable place to live, but nothing was obviously abusive or neglectful unless someone looked pretty deep. The staff never struck children, just looked the other way if kids fought amongst themselves, and sometimes denied kids meals, sometimes didn’t provide clothes or blankets without holes in them. The staff was careful to keep everything just on the right side of legal, at least whenever there were visitors around. The orphanage did go through routine inspections; that it passed with covering up the truth and greasing the right hands with money.

Some kids complained, of course. But no one listened long enough to find evidence of the truth. Other kids kept their mouths shut, not wanting to risk their chances of getting adopted by complaining too much, or risk the anger of the staff.

Barry ignored the danger and mentioned it to Joe, he’d told Len. But Joe was too distracted by working toward getting Barry adopted, on top of his usual police work, and their meetings were too brief for Barry to really press the issue.

Once the adoption went through, Barry promised to push harder. He was convinced that eventually Joe would listen to him and get a proper investigation open. Len wasn’t sure why Barry thought Joe would believe him about the orphanage, when he didn’t believe Barry about Barry’s mom’s death. But Len kept quiet about it, not wanting to discourage Barry.

Regardless, Len never met Joe. But Barry was always filled with hope after the meetings, reassured that Joe was always getting closer to finalizing the adoption.

Len didn’t buy that, either. He tried to caution Barry about false hope without outright saying he was wrong. Len didn’t _know_ Barry was wrong, after all. But he found it hard to believe.

Len didn’t understand why Barry even _wanted_ to be adopted by the man! Joe West was a cop, and even worse he was convinced Barry’s father was guilty of murder and was playing a part in getting him convicted. But somehow Barry kept his faith in the man, and even Barry’s father approved of Joe adopting Barry apparently.

Len didn’t get it. But he tried to be cautiously supportive. He listened when Barry assured him over and over that Joe was a good man, a good cop, a good father, and had Barry’s best interests at heart. Len hoped Barry was right, for Barry’s own sake.

\-----------------------------------

Barry was proven right about Joe when the adoption finally went through. Barry had spent nine months at the orphanage with Len, but Joe had remained true to his word and adopted him as soon as he was allowed to.

It was a bittersweet time for Len. He was happy for Barry, of course. But again Len was going to be left alone. Again, someone else important to Len got adopted while Len was left at the orphanage with no one to care about him.

Barry was all happy energy as he told Len the news, then started packing his stuff. The staff would bus Barry to the city to live with Joe the next day. Len would still not even get to meet the cop that was going to be the adoptive father of Len’s best friend.

Len still didn’t trust the man. But he admitted to himself it might be because he was prejudiced against cops, thanks to his own father. Len tried to trust that Barry was a good enough judge of character to know if Joe would be a good father. And Joe _did_ have a daughter that Barry was friendly with. If Joe was abusive, she wouldn’t likely have been the confident, kind person that Barry spoke of her as. But still, Len was suspicious.

“Promise me you’ll write…” Len’s voice was tight with emotion, betraying him.

Barry looked up from his packing and his expression instantly saddened. Len hated himself for being selfish, for letting his feelings show, for dampening Barry’s happiness.

“Of course I’ll write! I’ll write more often than Mick, even! I promise, Len!” Barry insisted. “And you already have Joe’s address so you can write me!”

Len had told Barry about Mick, of course. Barry had seen the letters Len got from him every few weeks. And Len did have Joe’s address already memorized. It would have to be enough, Len told himself. He missed Mick, but he’d survived on his own. He could do the same with Barry.

It would be better than with Lisa, at least. She was too young to keep up contact on her own. Len had to rely on her adoptive parents to send him updates about her. They were fairly good about it, sending him letters monthly, along with Lisa’s drawings and the occasional photo of her. If they hadn’t been, Len would have run away to check on her long ago. It would never be the same as actually seeing her in person; as actually being a real part of her life. But she deserved a normal life with good, supportive parents. Len couldn’t fault them for being afraid of letting him get too close to that and disrupt it.

“And I won’t be that far away! I’ll ask Joe to bring me back to visit!” Barry insisted; breaking Len away from his thoughts of Lisa.

Len smiled tightly, trying to look more confident than he felt. He didn’t doubt Barry would ask. But he doubted Joe would agree. If he was too busy to visit Barry there, why should he make the time for Len? The orphanage director would certainly discourage it. He’d likely make up any number of excuses for Len not be allowed visitors.

“I wish you were coming with me,” Barry whispered. “Maybe I…maybe I can convince Joe to adopt you, too! Maybe if…”

“No, no, Barry!” Len hissed. “It’s alright! You don’t need to do that! Two kids is already a lot for a single working dad. You already have your work cut out for you convincing him your father is innocent, and to maybe send some honest cops to really look at how the orphanage is run. Anything else is too much. I won’t be the cause of friction between you and Joe! I can take care of myself. I’ll be alright.”

Barry frowned, not buying it. Len scrambled to try and make Barry understand.

“Look, Barry, I…I appreciate it, I do! And of course I’d love to live with you, but…” Len explained, as calmly as he could. “I know I’m only two years older than you, but 16 seems a long way away from 14 to most adults. I’m past the age where they can change me, and they know it. I…”

“Mick was 17 when he got adopted!” Barry stubbornly pointed out.

Len couldn’t deny that. But it was different, and they both knew that. But Len also knew Barry wasn’t about to let it go, either. Joe would never hear the end of Len. Len felt a chill begin to rise inside him as a realization formed.

Even good parents had their limits. Len wanted this man to love Barry, to be the father Barry deserved. Barry being stuck on helping Len would only make that harder, in Len’s opinion.

It was then that Len knew he had to leave. He had to get out of the orphanage as soon as possible. If he stayed, regardless of what he told Barry, Barry would keep trying to get Len adopted. Barry was just stubborn enough to keep at it, regardless of how Joe reacted.

Hell, Barry might run away to try and see Len, if Joe didn’t agree to bring him back to the orphanage to visit. Barry knew the basics of how to take care of himself, thanks to Len’s teachings. But on his own on the streets, even just long enough to get from Joe’s place to the orphanage, anything could happen. Len couldn’t allow that. Len had to get out of there before Barry had a chance to try something like that.

Looking at Barry’s determined face, Len knew he couldn’t tell Barry that either. Len had never told him that he’d been saving to get out of the orphanage. He never told Barry about his arrangement with that drug dealer. Barry knew Len slipped out of the orphanage. Barry knew Len stole things. Barry knew Len had some money saved. Barry doubtlessly suspected. But Len had never confirmed it. He didn’t want Barry mixed up in that. Now, more than ever, Len didn’t want Barry to have to lie or cover for Len, especially not to his new cop dad.

“Just…don’t rush it, ok, Barry?” Len tried. “Settle in first. Get used to being in Joe’s house. Spend time with Iris. Focus on being back at your old school. I can wait. I’ll be alright.”

Barry nodded, reluctantly, after Len didn’t stop staring at him intently until he did. Barry went back to packing, but his mood was much more subdued now. Len hated that he’d done this; he’d dampened Barry’s joy.

Len told himself he had to be out of the orphanage within a week. He’d leave, then send Barry a letter from the road. He had enough money to get a decent start. Not as much as he’d wanted, but enough. He couldn’t risk Barry jeopardizing his new home for Len. Joe might think twice about keeping Barry if all Barry talked about was a friend from the orphanage that was practically a juvenile delinquent. Joe would have access to Len’s records. There was no way Joe would approve.

Barry deserved a fresh start with the West family. He deserved a friend like Iris that wouldn’t steer him toward crime. He deserved to do well back in a regular school. He didn’t need Len holding him back. Barry wouldn’t agree, of course. So Len would have to be gone so he couldn’t argue.

Len didn’t want to go. Of course he didn’t. He wanted to stay as close to Barry as he could. But Barry deserved a chance on the straight and narrow. Len’s own path had crossed into the dark far too long ago to ever go back. He wouldn’t drag Barry along with him. Not now that Barry had a chance in the light.

“Here, I…I want you to keep Vern,” Barry spoke up, breaking Len from his thoughts.

Barry was right next to Len, holding his plush dinosaur out to Len. Len blinked in surprise.

“I can’t take that! Your mother gave you that!” Len protested.

Barry had told Len that story several times. Vern the Velociraptor was the hero of the book _The Runaway Dinosaur_. It was Barry’s favorite childhood book and his mother had read it to him often. She’d also bought him the plushie version of the dinosaur. Barry still slept with it when he was feeling lonely, and Len found it adorable. _Barry_ , that was, not the dinosaur. Though he supposed the dino was cute, too.

“I want you to have him!” Barry insisted. “I know you’ll take good care of him. And you need him now more than I do.”

Len knew he should argue more. If he succeeded in running away soon himself, he might never be able to return Barry’s runaway dinosaur. But selfishly, Len wanted it. He wanted it because it was important to Barry. It would be like keeping a small part of Barry, no matter where either of them were.

So Len moved to take the plush, brushing his fingers lightly along Barry’s as he did so. Len wished then, suddenly and desperately, that he’d acted on his feelings sooner.

Len had a soft spot for Barry. A soft spot that he knew was different from how he cared about Mick, or Lisa. It might be called a crush, but that seemed like too small a term for it. Len had never felt that way about anyone before. He’d scoffed at the idea of wanting to hold hands with someone, of wanting to kiss someone. Sex, he understood, because it was about pleasure. But he could get that fine with his own hand. He didn’t see the appeal of involving another person. But with Barry…Len could understand wanting _all_ that and more, now.

But it had been too new, too raw, too foreign, these feelings. So Len hadn’t acted on them. And now he was out of time and he’d missed his chance.

Now, Len couldn’t manage to move. He knew he should take the plush, but he didn’t want his fingers to stop touching Barry’s.

Barry stared at Len, his eyes searching. Then Barry gripped Len’s hand, the plush between them both, and surged forward. He kissed Len. Brave, bright Barry! He amazed Len! His lips connected with Len’s and took Len’s breath away for a moment. But then he hurried to get with the program and moved forward toward Barry and returned the kiss. He wrapped his free hand around Barry, pulling them closer together.

Neither of them seemed to know what they were doing, and that was fine with Len. Their movements were messy and unsure, but somehow still felt magical. Their lips met again, just pecking at first, brushing against each other. Then tentatively they moved their lips together longer, and then they opened their mouths as they connected. Len felt a spark of electricity in his mouth as their tongues met. When they parted, their breath clouded the now chilled air. Both of their powers had responded to their excitement, apparently.

They just looked at each other for a few moments, panting slightly. The dinosaur still clutched between them in both their hands.

“That was ok? It was…it was my first kiss,” Barry admitted bashfully, his cheeks reddening.

“Mine too. And it was perfect. Completely perfect,” Len answered.

Barry smiled widely and Len smiled back.

They slept together, just holding each other, in the top bunk that night. Len thought if he initiated sex, Barry might go along with it. But Len couldn’t do that to Barry. Barry had to leave in the morning. Len would be gone soon after. Len had promised himself he would let Barry have a chance at a normal life. They were already attached enough to each other. Sex would just make the parting more painful; make it harder for Barry to move on.

Later, Len almost regretted not being more selfish that night. Being each other’s first sexual partners would have been amazing. For years, Len thought he’d never get another chance. But now, with Barry back in his life, maybe there was time for the two of them to be together again. They were both older and more experienced, but Len knew it would be no less amazing if it happened.


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Barry,_

_I hope you’re well. I hope being part of the West family is everything you’d imagined it to be. I want nothing but the best for you. You’re important to me. You’re my friend. Nothing will ever change that._

_But you deserve more than I can offer you. You deserve a normal life, a good family, a good school, college, a job you’ll love. You have a chance at all that now. I’m not going toward any of that. My future’s been set since…a long time ago. I won’t hold you back. I’d never forgive myself if I did._

_I can’t ask you to forget me. I’m too selfish for that. But I will ask you to let me go. Let me walk my own path, and you walk yours._

_I’ve left the orphanage. I won’t be going back. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you that in person. But I think its better this way._

_I know you won’t agree. I know this will upset you. I’m sorry for that. Very sorry. I never want to make you sad._

_You see the good in me. But I don’t think I can be good enough for you._

_I see the bad in you. I know if we stayed together, I might make you go bad. I don’t want to. But it might happen anyway._

_So I think it’s best if we stay apart. At least for now. At least until we’re both grown up and have found our own ways._

_Please don’t try to find me, unless you really need me. I know you’re smart enough to find me if you try._

_If you DO really need me, don’t hesitate to find me. I’ll always help you in any way I can._

_~L._

“Well, he’s a good writer, I’ll give him that much,” Joe had said when he gave Len’s letter to Barry.

Joe had read the letter first, of course. He didn’t trust Len, of course. He didn’t outright tell Barry not to be friends with Len, after Barry told Joe everything Len had done for him. But he did screen the letter before he gave it to Barry to make sure Len hadn’t written anything Joe didn’t approve of. Barry resented that. But there wasn’t anything he could do about it. At least Joe did give it to him afterward, unedited. Of course Len wouldn’t be stupid enough to write anything incriminating down, or even sign his full name.

Barry never shared Len’s real full name with Joe; always calling him Len Iceling. Barry trusted Joe, but he was still cautious. Just because Joe was a good man didn’t mean he’d understand about Len. Barry wasn’t about to give Joe a reason to judge Len by allowing Joe easy access to Len’s records. Barry might have convinced Joe to let him visit Len at the orphanage, eventually, if Len had stayed there. It might have been inevitable that Joe found out everything about Len. But Barry wasn’t going to rush it by giving Joe any more information than he needed.

Maybe Barry was more devious, more _bad_ , than most people gave him credit for; like Len had said. But Barry found he didn’t really care. He was good enough, Barry thought. He was good when it counted. And so was Len, in Barry’s opinion. Barry would have gone with Len in a heartbeat, if Len had asked him to run away with him. But Len had taken that choice away from Barry…and it broke Barry’s heart.

Len hadn’t done it to be cruel, Barry knew that. So he couldn’t be angry with Len. But he was sad; very, very sad. It felt like Len was giving up on himself, for Barry’s sake. Barry knew Len was better than he was giving himself credit for. Barry knew if Len had been adopted by a good family, he could have turned his life around. Maybe even without an adoption, if Len just had someone with him that trusted him, supported him, believed in him; Len could have done great things with his life. But Len clearly didn’t feel the same way.

Barry very nearly ran out looking for Len. If he could have used his speedster power reliably at that point, he might have. He could have searched the entire city and surrounding areas in mere minutes then. But he’d still been far from mastering his powers.

If he left, Joe and Iris would worry. They’d been nothing but kind to him since he’d moved in. And Len himself had said not to look for him.

If Barry had had a clue where to start, he might have anyway. But despite Len’s trust in Barry’s intelligence, Barry had no idea where to look for him. So with much regret, Barry listened to Len and let him go. But he never forgot him.

Barry didn’t talk about Len again after he got that letter about two weeks after he’d moved into the West house. It was difficult not to mention him, but Barry thought it would be safer for Len that way. Joe was a cop, and Iris was already deeply interested in investigative journalism. If Barry pushed, they might find Len themselves and cause Len more trouble than good. If Len didn’t want to be at that orphanage anymore, Barry was going to respect that. If Len thought they were better off apart, Barry eventually convinced himself to respect that too, no matter how much it hurt. Better if both Joe and Iris forgot all about Barry’s friend from the orphanage. And as time went by, they seemed to do just that.

Barry instead focused on convincing Joe to start the investigation into the conditions at that orphanage. It took time, but eventually the place was fully shut down a few years later. Iris got a scholarship to college thanks in part to an expose she wrote for their high school newspaper on the orphanage’s deplorable practices. The director and several of the staff got time in prison, as well.

It wasn’t until much later, when Barry was already well on his way to being a CSI, that Barry heard Len was rising up in the local mob as the new boss. By then, Barry thought it was far too late to try and reconnect with him. Their lives had followed too different paths to fit together again, like Len had predicted. So Barry didn’t seek him out.

Until Barry was framed for the police station shooting, was days away from being convicted, and had nowhere else to turn. Then he went to Len, and regretted not doing it sooner.

But regrets were pointless, Barry reminded himself. He was there with Len now. There in Len’s meeting room; Barry had Len’s old letter tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. He hadn’t planned on showing it to Len as proof or anything. He just felt more secure having it with him. He’d reread it over and over throughout the years. Once the initial sadness had dulled with time, Barry found comfort in that letter. Len had said that Barry could always go to him for help. It’d taken him a long time, but he’d finally listened. Now Barry was with Len again.

Len was offering him a deal, and feeding him, and looking at him with kindness. No one had looked at Barry with kindness since the trial had started. Eddie had had Barry barred from visiting Joe and Iris in the hospital, and they weren’t well enough to even know it’d happened, much less protest.

Barry had been alone, scared, and frustrated. Now he was with Len and felt safer and more supported than he had since the shooting.

Deciding to agree to the deal was easy, then.

\---------------------------------------

Len got Barry a new lawyer, a Ms. Southerlyn that had worked on the mob’s behalf before, but not enough that the cops suspected the connection; that was the first step. The judge tried to reject the switch that late in the trial, but Southerlyn convinced him to go along with it. Barry wasn’t sure how. A lot was done in closed chambers with just Southerlyn, Cecile, and the judge.

During what Barry _was_ present for, Southerlyn used so many references to legal statures and past cases for basis that Barry soon lost track of what exactly was going on. Cecile always argued with her heart, detailing the lives of the policemen hurt, how horrible a betrayal it was, and how such a terrible crime deserved swift punishment.

But Southerlyn argued using the letter of the law. She pointed out how Cecile’s romantic relationship with one of the victims, Joe West, should have precluded her from the case in the first place based on bias. She also argued that the statements given by the shooters pointing toward Barry were obtained using illegal questioning methods bordering on torture.

In the end, Southerlyn managed to get the judge to declare a mistrial. The DA’s office was welcome to resubmit charges and file for a new trial, but Cecile was barred from being the prosecuting attorney. The judge cautioned the DA to be more patient and that stronger evidence would be needed, or the case might be dismissed before even going to trial again. Cecile looked ready to murder Barry herself, but nothing she said could change the judge’s mind.

Southerlyn made sure that the judge agreed Barry was free until such a time, if any, that they refilled charges. That meant the removal of his ankle monitor. The cop that removed Barry’s ankle monitor also looked like he wanted to kill Barry and was keeping his mouth shut by supreme effort of will.

Southerlyn did agree that Barry remain on unpaid suspension from his job as a CSI. He was not allowed to return to his lab at the station for any reason, either. She’d discussed this with Barry beforehand. She’d been willing to fight to have him allowed back at work. But she warned him it would be a risky place for him to be, unless he was fully cleared and the real culprit convicted. Barry had agreed.

Barry didn’t want to work there again ever, honestly. He could never trust the police there to have his back after this. He’d lost his faith in the law and his passion for CSI work. He would have liked to be able to get all his work on his father’s case that he’d left at his lab. But he had copies of the most important parts. And he knew the cops investigating him for the shooting had already ripped apart what he’d left at the lab, anyway, while looking for evidence against him.

Barry felt Eddie’s eyes boring into him from behind, where Eddie sat fuming at the ruling. Barry still wouldn’t be permitted to visit Iris and Joe, doubtlessly. Legally, Eddie had no more right to demand who the hospital let in to see them than Barry did. Eddie was Iris’ fiancé. Barry was Joe’s adoptive son and Iris’ adoptive brother. But Eddie was a cop in good standing, and had the rest of the force behind him to convince the hospital it wasn’t safe to allow Barry near his own family.

Southerlyn had offered to fight for Barry on that front, too. But Barry had told her to just concentrate on proving him innocent, so the real culprit could be found. Once that was done, he would be allowed to see Joe and Iris again. Or if they got better first, they’d ask for him themselves. As they were, Barry being there did them no good. Iris was still in a coma, and Joe was too medicated to know if Barry was there or not. In fact, Barry being there while he was still a suspect was a distraction for their doctors. Barry just wanted them to get the best treatment possible and get better. Eddie would make sure of that, at least. So Barry could deal with not seeing them, no matter how much it tore into his heart.

So while it was a victory for him in court that day, it still felt bittersweet to Barry. This was a good first step, but there was still a long way to go. But Barry shook Ms. Southerlyn’s hand and thanked her for everything she had already done. Barry had more hope now than he’d had in months that everything might eventually work out alright. He had _Len_ to thank for that.

Barry was meeting Len the next day to discuss where they went from there. Barry had to decide what work he would do for Len, and where he would live. Len was going to introduce Barry to the private detectives that would help look for the real inside person related to the shooting, and Barry would tell them everything he knew about the case.

But for the day, it was over. Barry headed back to his apartment to try and relax and get some sleep, running there at full speed to avoid the press and public outside the courthouse. The ankle monitor hadn’t weighed much, but Barry felt infinitely lighter without it.

\---------------------------------

The next morning, Barry had waffles and bacon for breakfast. If Len asked, Barry wanted to be able to honestly say he’d eaten something more substantial than pop tarts. The waffles were frozen ones that he put in the toaster, and he microwaved the bacon. But still, he was trying!

He left his tv off and ate in silence. He didn’t want to see the news and hear anyone else’s perspective on what’d happened yesterday in court. Barry was feeling hopeful, almost optimistic, and he didn’t want anything to spoil that.

He almost succeeded, until his phone rang. He didn’t answer, for fear of reporters, and only checked it once he was done eating.

The caller ID read Eddie Thawne. For one brief fleeting moment, Barry hoped that Eddie had changed his mind, that he’d seen reason; that he’d realized Barry couldn’t possibly have been involved in the station shooting, and was calling to tell him he could visit Iris and Joe again.

Then Barry listened to the message he’d left.

 Eddie’s voice seemed eerily calm at first, but Barry could hear the rage behind it.

“Allen. You listen to me, and you listen well. This is just a setback. You’re not getting away with this. We both know your word to not leave town now that the ankle monitor is off is worthless. We both know you could be in a country without extradition within hours. So I’m making it my personal mission to not let you go _anywhere_ without eyes on you. You know I’m fast enough. I’m faster than you…you lazy, selfish, little lab rat…You won’t be able to go anywhere without us seeing. You know the meta-tracking tech we have. You can’t run anywhere that I can’t follow. So run, Allen, and see how fast I find you! Enjoy your freedom, while it lasts!”

Barry swallowed hard, pushing away the tears that formed behind his eyes. It hurt him deeply that Eddie really believed the worst about Barry. Eddie was a good man and a good cop, Barry knew that. He believed in due process and fair trials. But he was a good man whose fiancé was in a coma. He was a good cop whose partner had been shot and still hadn’t recovered enough to even speak coherently. And Eddie truly believed Barry was responsible for that and was getting away with it. It was enough to turn a normally reasonable man into someone obsessed with harsh vengeance.  

Barry looked out his window, scanned the sidewalk across the street, and easily spotted Eddie and another cop. Barry looked out a window facing the opposite direction and saw two more cops watching his apartment. They weren’t even trying to hide. They were clearly trying to intimidate Barry.

Barry wasn’t afraid of Eddie, not really. Barry didn’t think Eddie would attack him unprovoked. But grief, coupled with frustration and fear that a guilty criminal was going free, could be a dangerous mixture. And Eddie wasn’t the only cop out there. Any one of them might decide to take the law into their own hands, given the chance. They had enough anti-meta tech that they could hurt Barry, even with his powers.

But even if they didn’t do anything violent, they clearly planned to follow Barry wherever he went. If he ran, Eddie could keep up with him, and as soon as Barry slowed down he could call the other cops to join him. Eddie had to leave eventually. But there was no telling when that might happen. He might just sleep in his car nearby, and if any of the other cops saw Barry’s lightening trail leaving they could wake him up to follow. Even if Barry tried to sneak out, they’d be looking for any signs of his powers. With the meta-tracking tech they had, they could lock on to his power signature if he left the building; even if Barry ran up to the roof from his window.

Being followed to his scheduled meeting with Len was not an option. Barry picked up his phone to call Len, but not the phone Eddie had called. Len had given Barry a second cell phone to use; just in case Barry’s other one was tapped. Barry was thankful for Len’s planning.

“Barry,” Len answered on the first ring, “what’s wrong?”

Len knew Barry wouldn’t be calling unless something was wrong. It comforted Barry that Len cared enough to answer so quickly. Barry told him what was going on.

“Don’t delete the message,” Len cautioned first. “That’s evidence of the police threatening you.”

“I know. I won’t,” Barry agreed.

“Just stay put, and pull your blinds closed so they can’t see into your apartment. I’ve got someone that can portal us to you. It might take some time to get him filled in, but we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“You…do?” Barry asked, surprised at the news.

“You didn’t think the police had files on _everyone_ that works for me, did you Barry?” Len said with a smirk in his voice.

“No, no, of course not!” Barry laughed nervously, but he was impressed.

“This does make the issue of your living arrangements a bit more pressing,” Len commented.

“Yeah, it does.” Barry sighed. “I’ll take you up on the offer of a room, at least for now. If I…if I need more privacy or something, I can always move again later, right?”

“Of course, Barry,” Len assured him. “Like I said, I’m not your jailer. I’m your boss. I offer accommodations to my employees. That’s all. And besides, it’s an apartment building. You’ll have at least as much space of your own as you do now. The only difference will be that I’ll be nearby, everyone there will be loyal to me, and the cops won’t know exactly where you live.”

“Ok.” Barry nodded, reassured. “That sounds great, thanks. I’ll start packing until you get here, then.”

“Good. See you soon.”

\--------------------------------------

Barry packed at normal speed, despite how much he wanted to hurry the task along. The tech the cops had would have picked up his power usage. Even if they wouldn’t be able to tell what exactly Barry was doing, he didn’t want to give them a reason to be more suspicious. He didn’t want there to be any clues he was getting ready to move. He still had boxes shoved in a closet from when he’d moved there from Joe’s, a few years ago, so that was helpful. Let the cops think he was just sitting around his apartment afraid and moping. Thankfully, the tech could only scan for one type of meta signature at a time. So while they were looking for Barry’s speed, they wouldn’t be able to tell if another meta’s power was at work in Barry’s apartment.

A few hours later the promised portal opened in Barry’s apartment. It was a large circular shape, sort of resembling swirling shimmering water. Barry was impressed it was a proper portal.

He had heard the Rogues might have a teleporting meta working for them; Shawna Baez. But her powers required she have line of sight to wherever she teleported, and she could only bring a person or two with her at a time if she held onto them. On the other hand, a portal like this could allow any number of people and things to be moved great distances with relative ease.

The first person out of the portal was Mick. He nodded at Barry, eyed the room, then did a quick check around the rest of the apartment. Barry wasn’t surprised. It made sense for someone to do a sweep of the surroundings first. It was a fairly small space, just the main room, attached kitchen, the bedroom, and bathroom. Seemingly satisfied, Mick pulled out his phone and tapped a few times, probably sending Len a go-ahead text.

Moments later, Len himself stepped through the portal and into Barry’s apartment. He looked good, Barry couldn’t help immediately noticing. He was dressed casually compared to the other night; black long sleeved shirt, black jeans, black boots. But he still looked stunning to Barry. Barry’s gaze lingered on Len’s long, lean legs until Barry forced himself to focus. Len wasn’t using his powers, but his eyes still seemed strikingly bright as he looked around Barry’s apartment.

Barry was suddenly embarrassed it was such a mess. Of course it was; it was half torn apart and filled with boxes for the move. Len would have expected as much. But still Barry wished his space could have somehow impressed Len.

Even when it was clean, though, Barry’s apartment had never been very cool or stylish. Barry was a geek, through and through. Instead of expensive paintings, he had Star Trek posters on his walls. His bookshelves were lined with comic books and science manuals, not trendy best sellers or insightful philosophical books. Barry had killed so many house plants by either forgetting to water them, or overwatering them by accident, that he’d stopped trying. He didn’t have any fancy vases or impressive sculptures on his mantel, just action figures and geeky collectibles. It was embarrassing.

Then Barry remembered who this was. This was the mob boss with a taste for priceless works of art and expensive jewels, but this was still _Len_. This was the man that had stayed up all night arguing about Star Trek with Barry when they were teenagers. This was the man that had stolen comic books for Barry, along with take-out, when he snuck out of the orphanage. This was the same man that had never mocked Barry for crying, or sleeping with a stuffed animal, or rambling about science projects, when they were kids together. Barry didn’t need to impress Len with his apartment, if anything of that kid still remained within Len as an adult. And by how ready Len was to help Barry, Barry was certain there was.

There was no need for Len to do this much for Barry. Len could have told Barry just to stay put at the apartment and deal with being watched by the cops. Len could have demanded Barry find a way out on his own. Len could have sent someone else to fetch Barry and not come himself. Len could have demanded money, or for Barry to do a certain amount of work for him before Len invested in an attorney, and private detectives, to work Barry’s case. He could have told Barry exactly what work Barry had to do for him, instead of giving Barry options and choices.

It all proved to Barry that Len was still the same person inside as he had been when they were young. He still cared about Barry, to some extent. That didn’t mean he was going to be Barry’s best friend, or become especially close to him again, no matter how much Barry might want that. Barry still would have a job to do for Len. A job he could never quit, whatever that job ended up being. But it meant that Barry trusted Len, and appreciated what his old friend was doing for him. Barry found he didn’t really mind the prospect of working for Len forever. It was certainly more appealing than going back to the CCPD lab, where no one had ever really respected him besides Joe and maybe Singh.

Barry pushed his thoughts aside as a third person hopped into his apartment, the portal closing behind him. He was short, with long hair, but Barry most took note of the _Oregon Trail_ video game t-shirt he wore.

“Hey, you must be Barry! I’m Cisco,” the man introduced himself, holding his hand out for Barry to shake. “Sorry it took so long to get here; my fault. I wouldn’t agree until Cold explained your whole situation. But now that I get it, I’m really rooting for you, pal!”

Barry shook Cisco’s hand, blinking in confusion at the words. He’d had to _agree_ to help? Len couldn’t just order him to? Barry turned and looked questioningly at Len.

“Not everyone that works for me is required to blindly follow my orders,” Len explained, clearly understanding Barry’s unspoken question. “Just like I told you that you’d have some say in what kind of work you do for me, so does Cisco. Normally his duties only entail developing new tech for me.

“He’s chosen to not use his meta powers for anything directly criminal. He won’t, for instance, portal us into a museum to steal a treasure, or into a rival mob’s lair to ambush them. He is open to using his powers for occasional rescue missions, however, provided he agrees with the cause. So I had to share with him the details of your case and why the cops have you under surveillance.”

Barry rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed that a stranger knew so much about him. Then he remembered that many people did now, with the case making headlines on the news. At least Cisco knew Barry’s side of the story. And Barry was glad to hear that Len gave other people choices about how they worked for him, too.

“Thank you for agreeing to help,” Barry responded toward Cisco. “I really appreciate it.”

The four of them got to work packing up the rest of Barry’s apartment. Len and Mick didn’t say much, but Cisco proved to be fairly chatty. He was a nerd, much like Barry was, and commented excitedly about a lot of Barry’s collectibles. It was a great distraction from Barry’s worries and he could see himself becoming friends with Cisco easily. It was a great relief to know he had things in common with a Rogue besides Len. Barry thought he could get comfortable a lot more easily with Cisco around. As much as Barry cared about Len, and wanted to spend time with him, he was still intimidating too. It would be great to have a potential ally in Cisco.

“Do you live in the same apartment building I’m moving into?” Barry asked Cisco.

“Yep! Just a few floors down from where you’ll be!” Cisco grinned in response.

Barry smiled at the news as he taped closed a box, then noticed Len silently watching him. Barry swallowed hard at the intensity of that gaze. He knew Len lived at the apartment building, too. There was no need to ask. Len had various safe houses throughout the city and surrounding area, but Len had explained that he stayed at the apartment more often than not. Barry already knew Len would be close by. Barry was looking forward to it. But while it had been easy to show he was happy Cisco would be nearby, he found himself at a loss as to how to tell Len the same thing. Barry’s feelings for Len were much more intense, and complicated.

“What floor are you on?” Barry asked Len, instead.

“The same one as you,” Len answered.

Barry inhaled sharply at that. The air in the room seemed to get colder for a brief moment. But it was back to normal so quickly that Barry thought he might have imagined it. Barry was certain he’d imagined the possessive glint in Len’s eyes. Barry just _wished_ Len was possessive of him. Len had probably put Barry in a nearby room just to make sure Barry stayed out of trouble and didn’t go trying to investigate his case on his own.

Barry ordered them pizzas for lunch, after Mick suggested it and Len offered to pay. Not that Barry would have minded paying normally. But he’d been suspended for months without pay by that point, and his savings were nearly completely depleted. Len made certain Barry ordered himself three extra large pizzas, besides the two that Len, Cisco, and Mick would share. Len had always worried about Barry getting enough to eat. Barry smiled at the memory.

After lunch, it didn’t take them much longer to finish packing up Barry’s apartment. It would take them several trips to carry it all, but Cisco said it was no problem keeping the portal open for it.

Barry had been checking out the windows every few hours, but there had been no movement from the cops. Eddie and the others were still there, watching the building. Thankfully Barry had thick curtains, as well as blinds, so they wouldn’t be able to tell he had company.

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want me to torch the place and fake his death?” Mick asked Len, tilting his chin toward Barry.

Barry tensed at the words, worrying Mick might do it regardless. He sounded so wistful at the idea. Cisco eyed Mick worriedly, stepping away from the fire meta. But Len snorted in amusement and Barry realized Mick must have been joking.

“As fun as it would be to screw with the cops that way, sadly no,” Len answered. “Barry wants to keep his ties to this life, his adoptive family, and be proven innocent. Being legally dead would complicate that.”

“True. Shame,” Mick grumbled.

Len snickered, clearly completely at ease with Mick. Barry and Cisco both laughed nervously, obviously forcing the sounds out.

Barry tried to remember the stories Len had told him about teenage Mick at the orphanage; about how he’d stood up for Len, loved writing cheesy stories and watching musicals. It helped reassure Barry that Mick wasn’t going to randomly start setting things on fire, even if it was hard to believe the big man might still have those interests too.

Then Cisco opened the portal and Barry welcomed the distraction of carrying boxes through. It was almost enough that he could ignore the significance of this move. But not quite.

Barry would likely never return to that apartment again. Barry would never work for the police again. He might not get to return to the West house for a very long time, either. He would likely not get to see Joe or Iris for many months. But he wouldn’t be alone. He wouldn’t be in prison. There was a chance he would see justice done. And _Len_ was at his side.


	7. Chapter 7

Leonard Snart did not consider himself a good person. But he _did_ pride himself on being rational and logical. And he considered it his responsibility to take care of the people that had proven themselves loyal to him and the Rogues. So while it didn’t particularly concern Len how possessive he felt toward Barry, it _did_ bother him that he was becoming a bit jealous of Cisco.

Cisco was a good Rogue, in his own way. He might not have joined by choice, at first, but after he’d settled in he’d seen the value of being part of their Family.

Cisco’s brother Dante had borrowed a significant sum from the Rogues, and had refused to pay it back with interest as promised. Len had been very close to freezing Dante’s fingers badly enough that his piano playing career would be over forever, when Cisco intervened.

Cisco had offered to work off his brother’s dept in full, with additional interest for the trouble he’d caused. Knowing Cisco’s skill set and how useful he might be, Len had agreed and offered up a deal. Cisco had never reneged on any detail of their deal, never asked for anything unreasonable, and contributed as expected. By the time he’d repaid the dept, he’d come to appreciate his role with the Rogues and enjoy his work. He’d asked to stay on, and Len was happy to agree.

Len wasn’t exactly close to Cisco; their relationship had remained professionally distant. But he was a loyal Rogue, so Len respected him. He’d make a fine friend to Barry. In fact, Barry becoming friends with other Rogues would only strengthen Barry’s own loyalty to the Family, and therefore to Len. Besides that, Barry deserved to have support and friendship from someone like Cisco.

Cisco was no threat to Len’s interest in Barry. Cisco had a boyfriend already, Len knew, and they were quite serious about each other. Even if they weren’t, all Len would have had to do was put in a few key words and Cisco would have backed off from Barry. Cisco was still healthily frightened of Len.

So logically there was no reason for Len to be jealous of the quick, easy way that Cisco befriended Barry. But yet the feeling was there. Len did his best to freeze it down inside himself, where it belonged. He had no desire to hurt Barry, or scare Cisco for nothing.

In time, Len told himself, Barry would become more comfortable with Len again. Len had _had_ to keep up a cold front at first, during the official meeting Barry had arranged; it was an important part of his role as a mob boss. But it had the unpleasant effect of Barry being obviously still intimidated by Len, while Barry clearly felt comfortable with Cisco already.

It would take time for both Barry and Len to be able to let their guards down with each other again, like they had as kids. It only made sense. It still irritated Len that it happened for Cisco effortlessly, but there was nothing to be done for it. So Len watched and hid his jealousy as they packed up Barry’s things.

Len reminded himself that _he_ had made all of this possible. Barry wouldn’t have met Cisco if it wasn’t for Len. Barry wouldn’t be moving to a safer apartment right now without Len’s help. Without Len, Barry would be in prison right now. Barry knew that, too.

Cisco was no threat to his relationship with Barry, Len repeated to himself, as Cisco opened a portal when they were done packing. With the four of them, it didn’t take long to transport everything, even without using Barry’s speed.

Cisco said his goodbyes when they were finished. Mick likewise left to see to other business. That left Len pleasantly alone with Barry. Sadly, it couldn’t stay that way for long.

 “Ms. Southerlyn and the detectives are waiting next door for us, in the meeting room area of my suite,” Len reminded Barry.

“Right! Sorry!”

Barry had been looking around his new rooms, seemingly impressed by the set-up. It was significantly larger than the apartment he’d just left. Len got some satisfaction from that. His Rogues lived well, and so would Barry.

“Wait…wasn’t the meeting supposed to be at the room at the bar where we talked last time?” Barry asked. “They’re _here_? Isn’t that a bit…relaxed for a meeting place with Comrade Cold? Is it safe for people to know exactly where your rooms are?”

Len smiled, pleased Barry was worried about Len’s appearance and safety. Also it was good to know he was paying attention to such details.

“I changed the location and time of the meeting, considering your move took precedence,” Len explained. “I don’t often meet people here, you’re right. But sometimes it’s necessary, or convenient. Only certain associates are allowed the privilege. Here, surrounded by my Rogues, anyone that chooses to double cross me wouldn’t make it out of here alive; they know that. And this building has its own fair share of defenses I can use.”    

Len didn’t elaborate, and Barry didn’t ask. Barry nodded, seemingly satisfied by the answer.

“I can use my powers here, now?” Barry questioned.

“Yes, absolutely,” Len answered. “This building is completely shielded from meta tracking tech. So even if the police are scanning for your power signature, they won’t be able to find you here.”

Len was rewarded with seeing Barry grin widely at him in response, then a flash of lighting, a rush of wind, and blurred movement. A moment later, Barry was visible again, in a new set of clothes and freshly combed hair.

“Ok, I’m ready for the meeting.”

Len shook his head a little, but he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t necessary for Barry to have gotten cleaned up for the meeting. But Len wasn’t about to complain. Barry looked good.

Len led the way to the meeting, tactfully hiding how his eyes wanted to linger on Barry.

\------------------------------

 The meeting went well enough. Barry handed over his old cell phone, the one that’d gotten the message from Eddie Thawne, to Ms. Southerlyn. It’d been off since before they’d left Barry’s old apartment, of course, so it couldn’t be tracked. But Southerlyn would use it as evidence related to the police harassing Barry. With that, and Southerlyn’s reassurances that Barry wouldn’t leave the court’s jurisdiction, the judge should allow Barry’s new residence to remain private information. The cops wouldn’t be granted access to the address. It would be sure to piss the police off, but it was only what they deserved after how horribly they’d behaved. Len had no sympathy for them, and it didn’t seem to bother Barry either.

Mr. Munk and Ms. Nadine, the private detectives, went over the case with Barry and briefly detailed how they’d begin their investigation. It was all information that Len already knew, but Barry paid close attention. When they were done, they both respectfully shook hands with Barry before they left.

“Last matter of business for today,” Len announced once he was alone again with Barry, “you need to begin to consider what kind of work you’re comfortable doing for me. You don’t have to make any final decisions right now. I know it’s been a long day and a lot to take in. But I need at least some idea what direction you’re leaning toward.”

If it were just up to Len, he’d give Barry all the time in the world to consider his choice. But appearances were still important. If word got out that the newest Rogue was acting like a freeloader and not intending to pull his own weight, some of the other Rogues might get restless. Len didn’t need dissention in his ranks. It wouldn’t be good for the Family, or their acceptance of Barry.

“I have been thinking about it,” Barry admitted. “I…I’d like something like the agreement you have with Cisco, if that’s possible. He mentioned working in a science lab? I’d like that. I’d like to be able to focus on pure science again; experimenting and inventing things.

“After the police force and everything that happened, I…I’d like to not have to think about morality, legality, and fair justice for awhile. I’m going to have enough of that to deal with, with my own case.

“So I’d like to not be directly involved in anything criminal, at least for now…if that’s alright. If…if you really need me to do something, I will…probably…so, you can always ask, and I’ll think about it, if you tell me what it is. But if I can just focus on pure scientific study for now, that…that would be wonderful.”

Len nodded. He’d been expecting as much. He was surprised Barry was willing to consider criminal activities at all. It showed he did appreciate just how much Len was doing for him. It might even show that Barry still cared for Len personally, but Len put that possibility aside for now. If Barry did have feelings leaning that way, it would become obvious in time. There was no reason to rush, jump the gun and risk scaring Barry off.

“Iceberg Labs,” Len commented, “you may have heard of it. It was nearly bankrupt some years back, under a different name, before a mysterious investor took over the company. Now it’s one of the most successful scientific research labs in the country.

 “Not many people that work there know this, but that investor was me,” Len admitted, taking some satisfaction in Barry’s little gasp at the news. “I’m rather fond of polar bears, so devoting a good portion of the resources there to environmental protection research and renaming the labs was easy enough. And wonderful PR.”

It made it easier to hide how much of the research went toward inventions that could be easily weaponized, too. Though Len didn’t feel the need to mention that just then. There were procedures in place to make sure nothing got into the hands of anyone, or any organizations, that would abuse the power too much. But there was no need to worry Barry with such details at the moment.

“Cisco works there, as do a few of my other Rogues,” Len continued, “Once I got it back on track, I’ve been able to be a mostly silent owner. But I can have you hired there and you can have your pick of current projects to work on.”

“Wow…I…wow…yes, please! I mean…that sounds amazing!” Barry rambled in clear delight.

Len couldn’t hold back the smile that formed on his face in response to seeing Barry so happy, and knowing he’d made that possible.

“When can I start?”

“As soon as tomorrow, if you’d prefer to have something to do to keep your mind busy,” Len offered, “or a few days from now to give you time to settle in here first. Your choice.”

“You don’t need to test me or something first, to make sure I’m qualified?”

“I’m very familiar with your qualifications, Barry.” Len smirked. “I know you’re perfectly capable of excelling at this job. I wouldn’t have offered it otherwise.”

“Oh, oh, of course!” Barry stammered, clearly embarrassed. “Oh course you’d look into…of course you’d know.”

Barry was blushing slightly and looking absolutely adorable, but uncomfortable. Len chose to move the conversation along, rather than tease him about it. They weren’t there yet, no matter how much Len wanted them to be, he reminded himself.

“Cisco drives to the labs daily, so you can ride with him for now. The car he uses has tinted windows and looks the same as dozens of others we have. So even if the cops are actively looking for you, it should be safe enough. The lab is shielded from meta trackers, the same as this apartment is. But you’ll have to refrain from using your powers outside of the two buildings.”

Barry nodded in understanding and visibly relaxed, as Len had intended. It might’ve seemed easier for Cisco to just portal the two of them to and from work, but Cisco preferred to only use his powers when there was a real need. Len respected that. The car would be safe enough, with Cisco’s ability to open a portal if anything went wrong, as backup.

“I think I’d like to start tomorrow, then,” Barry said. “I’ve had way too long to obsess over my court case and everything else that’s gone wrong lately. It’ll be good to concentrate on something else; a problem I can solve.”

“I’ll send word to Cisco to meet you in the downstairs lobby here at 8:30am,” Len decided. “He’ll wait for you until 9 or so, but if you’re not there by 9:30 he’ll leave without you, and we’ll assume you need a few days first to get used to things here. I know you have a habit of being late, and as far as flaws go it’s not too terrible a one. But while you’re relying on him for rides for safety, you need to try and respect his schedule.”

Barry nodded again, looking chastised. Len felt a pang of guilt for laying down the rules like that, but it was necessary for Barry’s own safety and the security of the Rogues. Len was the boss of the Family, and consequently of Barry. He needed to act like one in their professional matters.

If they eventually developed _personal_ matters, that would be different, Len consoled himself. It wasn’t easy balancing being a boss, as well as a friend or hopefully more. But Len could manage it, if he and Barry got to that point. But they weren’t there yet. For now, Len had to make sure Barry understood the rules related to being a Rogue.

“Other than work, you’re to stay put in this apartment building for now,” Len ordered. “I know it’s inconvenient, but with the cops’ open hostility toward you, it’s safest for everyone.

“We have a gym downstairs for exercise, with equipment that should be able to handle even your meta abilities. We have a small auditorium downstairs too, with a few weekly events open to all Rogues free of charge. Movie night is Fridays. Group dinner is Tuesdays. We rotate restaurants we get the food from, with enough for everyone.”

Barry was gapping with his mouth hanging open. Len resisted the urge to snicker. But really, Barry couldn’t _be_ any more adorable. And Len was glad he’d impressed the speedster. He took pride in helping provide a comfortable life for his Rogues.

“Speaking of food. The kitchen in your apartment is fully stocked,” Len mentioned. “Plenty for meals for a few days. Since you won’t be going shopping yourself for awhile, make a list of whatever else you want and I’ll have someone pick it up for you.”

Barry blinked rapidly, clearly holding back tears. Len worried for a moment that he’d done something wrong, set down too many restrictive rules, expected too much. And then Barry surged forward and hugged Len.

Len inhaled sharply, shocked, and to his shame his powers spiked out of control in response. The surrounding room got suddenly colder. If Barry felt the chill, he didn’t mention it. He felt hot and solid pressing his body against Len’s.

Len lightly wrapped his arms around Barry in response. He wanted to cling tighter, of course. He wanted to pull Barry tightly against him and never let go. But he was still struggling to calm himself down enough to let the room return to a normal temperature. Barry being even closer would not help Len’s cracked control of his powers.

Len mentally cursed himself. He hadn’t lost control like this in years. But Barry affected him in a way that no one else did. And he hadn’t dared dream Barry might make a move so soon, even if it was mostly out of gratitude as it seemed to be. So Len had been completely unprepared to deal with his own reaction to it. Len just needed a few seconds to calm his racing heart and regain control, he thought. Then he could respond better, affectionately like Barry deserved, not stiffly like this.

To Len’s extreme frustration, he didn’t get those few seconds.

The door to Len’s rooms opened, by one of the two people that had a key, and Sara strolled in. She stopped dead in her tracks, smirked, and then whistled loudly.

“Wow, Barry Allen! You move fast in more ways than one, I see! You must know, the list of people Comrade Cold lets touch him is _very_ short!”

Barry stiffened in Len’s arms. Len didn’t even have time to scowl at Sara before he felt a sharp prick of electricity, like static shock, as Barry sped out of his arms and away. A second later he reappeared; probably having run to his room, thought better of it, and run back.

Barry looked mortified and practically terrified. Barry looked at Sara for a split second, then focused his gaze on Len.

“I…I…thank you for everything! I…I’ll…good night! I’ll see you later!”

And then he was gone; sped away before Len had a chance to respond.

Len really scowled then. He sat down in his nearby chair and sighed. The room was still colder than it should be.

If it’d been nearly anyone else that’d walked it, Len might have killed them for seeing him like this. He would have at the very least lashed out violently enough to frighten them into forgetting all about Len’s weakness. Comrade Cold didn’t _have_ weaknesses!

But Leonard Snart was still vulnerable, and Sara was one of his closest and most trusted friends. He wouldn’t lash out at her for arriving exactly when she was due for her meeting, just because Len had forgotten about it thanks to being distracted by Barry. To her credit, Sara gave Len several moments of silence to calm himself. Only once the room had returned to a normal temperature did she speak.

“I apologize for that,” she said. “It was out of line. I see that now. I thought he’d be more comfortable already. I thought he could take some teasing. I didn’t mean to scare him.”

“It’s not entirely your fault,” Len admitted. “I wasn’t ready, either. I lost control. He had to have felt how freezing it was in here. I scared him, too.”

“Should you go after him, smooth it over?” Sara asked.

“No, I don’t think so. He needs time to adjust to being here. I need to keep it _professional_ between us until I’m certain how he feels. Comrade Cold does not apologize. Comrade Cold does not confess _feelings_ , especially if there’s a chance of rejection.”

“He knew you as _Len_ before,” Sara commented gently. “I just thought…with the way the meeting at the bar went…you _never_ tell me to leave during a first time meeting. I figured that meant you trust him.”

“I do trust him, to a certain extent. I know I’m in no danger from him, even if I’m not entirely certain of his complete loyalty to the Rogues yet.

“But he doesn’t trust me. Not like he used to. Not if a chilly room scares him.” 

“I just thought he’d still be able to read you better, I guess,” Sara admitted. “After how close you said you two used to be. It’s obvious to _me_ that you’d sooner cut off your own hand than hurt him.”

Len wanted to deny it, but that would’ve been pointless. Sara knew him too well. Thankfully of all the Rogues, only Mick and Sara could interpret Len’s emotions with any reliability.

“He needs time,” Len said it out loud, as he’d repeated numerous times to himself mentally.

“Sure,” Sara agreed. “He’s gone from a CSI, to accused mass murderer, to Rogue really fast. Anyone would need time to adjust.

“But if he doesn’t see sense soon…well, there are always subtle ways to steer him in the right direction.” Sara’s voice returned to her usual playful tone, rather than the concern she’d been showing.

Len snorted and shook his head.

“No. No meddling! Not from you, or from Mick, or anyone else! I do not need help with this! I will handle it in my own time, in my own way.”

This was one of the reasons he’d never told Mick or Sara anything detailed about Barry before recently. He didn’t want them upending Barry’s life in a misguided effort to make Len happy via a reunion with his old friend. Of course it _would_ have made Len happy, but not at the cost of Barry’s stable life.

Now that was no longer an issue, but he still didn’t want any interference from them. He knew Barry best. He wanted to do this _his_ way. He scowled particularly hard at Sara to get his point across, letting the room temperature dip down again. But this time it was on purpose.

“Alright, fine!” Sara sighed, throwing her arms up in defeat. “We’ll give it a month, maybe two, before we start poking at him.”

Len narrowed his eyes and lowered the room temperature a few more degrees. But he knew that was the best he was going to get from her.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Alone in his room, Barry struggled to get his racing heart under control and stop himself from vibrating. He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up _badly_.

He should have never hugged Len. He _knew_ better! Len had changed, no matter how much of his old friend Barry still saw in him. Len was being kind to Barry, and much more generous and understanding than he needed to be. Barry shouldn’t expect or want more. But yet he did.

He was just so grateful! And Len was so… _Len_! Still looking out for Barry’s needs like he had when they were kids. Len stocking his kitchen to make sure Barry got enough to eat, felt so similar to the way Len used to make sure Barry got enough food at the orphanage. Barry had just wanted to hug Len, to show him how much he appreciated everything he’d done for him. And to show how happy he was to be near Len again.

But that wasn’t entirely true, Barry admitted to himself. He’d wanted Len to hold him. He’d wanted Len to comfort him. He’d wanted to stay close to Len; close enough that their bodies touched constantly.

But Len clearly didn’t want that. Len had gone stiff. Stiff and _cold_. Len using his powers like that when Barry touched him was a sure warning sign it hadn’t made Len happy. Len didn’t want to be touched by most people. Len had _Sara_.

That was the bottom line, Barry thought. Stiff and cold could soften and warm up. Len could get more comfortable with Barry again, trust Barry again. Len had clearly put Barry in the room directly next to Len’s own because he wanted to keep an eye on Barry; because he didn’t trust Barry to follow the Rogues’ rules. But even if he did grow to trust Barry, Len already had Sara.

Sara who was strong, and confident, and sexy, and a fully fledged trusted Rogue. Barry was none of those things. Of course Len wanted Sara. Why wouldn’t he?

Barry _knew_ this! He’d seen Sara in Len’s lap at their meeting at the bar. He’d seen the way Len touched her. He’d seen how close they clearly were. But somehow since then, Barry had forgotten all about her.

Well he’d never forget about her again, now. She’d clearly laid her claim on Len and told Barry to back off. Why else mention Len didn’t like to be touched?

Barry had fucked up. He’d gotten over emotional and ignored things he shouldn’t have. Again.

But Len was still his friend…sort of….right? Maybe Len was just his boss. Maybe Barry should remember that and keep his distance.

Len had already done so much for Barry. Barry was being greedy and selfish wanting more. Barry would back off, he told himself. It was better for everyone that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between chapters lately! Writing the beginning of this chapter was a bit of a slog for me. But it was stuff I wanted to cover to move the story forward. Thankfully by the end I was feeling it more again and really enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoyed reading it! More hopefully before too long!


	8. Chapter 8

Barry grabbed his fifth helping of food, choosing Swedish meatballs and noodles in sauce this time from the various selections available, and sped back to his table. No one blinked an eye at the little lighting trail he left in the auditorium-turned-dining-hall of the apartment building. The Rogues were used to being around Barry and his powers already. So many of them were metas themselves, they’d seemed to easily take it in stride.

To Barry’s surprise, all the Rogues had been really nice to him. It’d been nearly two weeks since he’d moved into the apartment and everyone was so nice. A lot were rough around the edges, sure, but _nice_! Nicer than the majority of the cops at the precinct had been to Barry, even before the shooting accusation, he admitted to himself.

Barry hadn’t talked to all of the Rogues there yet, of course. But they all nodded at him politely or said hello in the halls. Sometimes they shared some small talk. They never sneered or snickered in his direction, or made nasty comments under their breath. All things the cops had done to Barry since he first joined the force. It was pleasantly shocking to Barry how easy it was to get along with the Rogues.

Shawna was sprinkling grated cheese on her dish of spaghetti as Barry passed. Shawna was the one that did his shopping for him. Because she liked to shop, she’d assured him; it wasn’t a sexist thing. Cold was all for gender equality, she’d said. She'd gotten everything Barry asked for and never complained if he asked for specific brands or huge amounts of food.

Axel was trailing after Mick like an eager puppy as Barry passed them on his way to his table. Axel was telling some joke about bombs, and Mick was grunting along in a humoring tone. Barry was glad he missed most of it. Axel’s jokes were always horribly bad, though Axel thought they were hilarious. Axel seemed to almost worship Mick, and Mick took the admiration good naturedly.

Caitlin and Ronnie were sharing a piece of cake and talking about wedding plans at the table next to Barry’s. It seemed to be all they talked about when they weren’t working. Barry had met them both at Iceberg Labs. Ronnie worked there full time, while Caitlin consulted occasionally. They both had proven to be highly intelligent and very much in love with each other. Barry enjoyed working with them.

Iceberg Labs was awesome and Barry loved every second of his work there. He was realizing more and more how he’d never been truly happy as a CSI. Some parts of the police work had been great, very satisfying. But others had really grated on him. He’d never really felt like he belonged. In the lab, he was already feeling at home more than he ever had at the police station.

Cisco smiled at Barry as he sat down at their table. Barry was getting along with Cisco just as well as he’d hoped. Cisco’s boyfriend, Hartley Rathaway, was a bit more acerbic. But Barry was getting used to him. It was obvious how much Cisco and Hartley cared for each other, even if they snarked at each other often.

“Ah, Swedish meatballs!” Cisco exclaimed as he saw Barry’s plate. “Not Breen, but so close no one can tell the difference! It's a strange thing, but every sentient race has its own version of these Swedish meatballs! I suspect it's one of those great universal mysteries which will either never be explained, or which would drive you mad if you ever learned the truth.”

Barry blinked in confusion. Cisco was quoting something, as he often did, but Barry couldn’t place this one.

“It’s from _Babylon 5_ ,” Hartley clarified with an eye role.

“Oh, I never got into that show,” Barry admitted. “It seemed too similar to _Deep Space Nine_.”

“Blasphemy!!” Cisco gasped in mock horror. “DS9 is great and all, it’s Star Trek, and you get what you expect from Trek.

“But Bab5 is a _masterpiece_!! Grey characters, character development! Five seasons, one intricate plot woven throughout. Stuff from season one pays off in season four. JMS had a plan, man, and he totally pulled it off! The social commentary is still relevant today! For a show from the 90s, there was a surprising amount of representation! Hell, he even tried to have a main character be a trans woman! He didn’t quite get that one to fly, but still! We are _so_ binge watching it, Barry!”

Barry had followed about half of that. But he agreed to the binge watching easily enough. He was always up for a sci-fi show and had come to respect Cisco’s taste in entertainment. Hartley didn’t outright disagree, and coming from him that was an additional ringing endorsement.

Barry was happy, he realized. Happier than he’d been since before the shooting. The weight of the accusation against him and the knowledge the real culprit wasn’t caught yet still hung over him. But he felt more content than he had in a long time.

Of course the peace couldn’t last.

“ _Fucking selfish speedster_!” someone loudly whispered behind Barry.

Barry tensed, willing himself to ignore it and not turn around. Maybe he’d misheard. Maybe he’d imagined it. Even if he hadn’t, what good could come from confronting a rude Rogue? Barry was the newbie still. He needed to keep his head down and not cause problems for Len, he reasoned.

“ _What_ did you say?!” Hartley hissed, whipping around in his seat to confront the speaker.

Barry stomach lurched, the food he’d recently eaten threatening to come up. Hartley’s meta powers included enhanced hearing. If he’d heard the same thing Barry had, there was no mistake. And Hartley wasn’t going to sit there and take it. Barry was touched his new friend wanted to defend him. He would have expected it from Cisco, but Hartley leaping to Barry’s defense was a surprise. But he didn’t want Hartley to get into trouble, either. It might’ve been better to ignore the taunting insult, Barry thought. But it was too late for that now.

“You heard me, rat-boy!” a man Barry didn’t recognize sneered in Hartley’s direction. “Your little speedster friend ate so much there’s nothing left for my family! We don’t make much money, unlike you science nerds. We need this free meal. But fucking speedsters just eat and eat and don’t care how much they use up! The Rogues don’t need a speedster!”

Barry swallowed hard, willing his food to stay down. Was that true? Was he eating too much? Was there not enough left for other people? He honestly hadn’t been paying attention. He’d been told there was plenty for everyone, even the metas with increased metabolism. Barry wasn’t the only Rogue that ate more than normal people. But as a speedster he did doubtlessly go through the most food.

The man hadn’t just insulted Barry, though. He’d called Hartley ‘rat-boy’. Hartley had several pet rats and was training them to follow his commands. They were good little thieves and Hartley was proud of them. The man was a jerk, whether what he said about Barry was true or not. That made Barry feel angry on Hartley’s behalf instead of chastised for his own eating needs.

Barry turned around to join Hartley. Cisco was also standing up in solidarity. But just as Hartley opened his mouth, about to say something in response, a much _colder_ voice spoke up instead.

“Correction, Tanner, the Rogues don’t need _you_.”

Barry felt the temperature in the room drop at the same time he saw Len calmly walk closer. Len’s eyes were glowing blue in clear anger. The veins in Len’s arms were likewise blue, showing Len wasn’t hesitating to use his powers. Ice hadn’t formed on Len’s hands yet, but Barry guessed it was just a matter of time.

Barry’s heart raced. He’d barely spoken to Len since he’d moved into the apartment. Len had invited Barry to meals in Len’s rooms several times, but Barry always came up with some excuse. Barry had been trying to keep his distance, thinking it was for the best, and Len hadn’t pressed him.

Len had almost seemed sad sometimes when Barry refused, but Barry dismissed the idea. Len was concerned about Barry, which was nothing new. It didn’t mean Len wanted to be closer again. He just kept offering they share meals to make sure Barry was eating enough so he could work properly. Being good at his job was part of their deal, after all, Barry reasoned.

But Barry missed Len, more than he’d realized. Which was ridiculous. He hadn’t seen Len in years and years. But now that he was close by, and Barry was purposely denying himself Len’s company, the longing to be near Len was stronger than ever.

“You’re a small time conman, Tanner, and not even very good at that,” Len continued, his voice like ice cutting through the room. Everyone had stopped eating to watch and listen. “I don’t need to validate Barry’s presence here. Certainly not to _you_. He’s here by _my_ choice, and that is plenty reason. But since you’ve brought it up, he has _not_ eaten more than his share of the food. I always take into account each and every member of the Rogues’ needs when supplying this weekly free meal.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you counted wrong!” Tanner argued.

That was clearly a monumentally stupid thing to say. Several nearby Rogues shifted in surprise at the outburst. Apparently Tanner wasn’t very bright. The temperature ratcheted down a few more notches. Barry wasn’t sure, but he thought it was colder the closest to Tanner. Len could do that, Barry remembered. He could freeze just what areas he wanted.

“Are you saying I miscalculated; _me_?!” Len growled. “You dare suggest I don’t know how to take care of _my_ Rogues? You really think I’m not intimately familiar with _all_ of Barry’s _exact_ needs?”

Barry shivered at that and it had nothing to do with the cold.

“I don’t know about that! Tanner huffed. “Alls I know is that there was plenty of food before that speedster joined up! There was always extra left over!”

“Yeeeees,” Len purred, deceptively sweetly. “Extra you were always happy to scoop up. In fact, you helped yourself to more than you could eat every week, for _months_ now.

“You know the rules. Only Rogues and their families that live in this apartment building are allowed to use this food I provide. Partners, friends and families living elsewhere are not included in that. If they want to take part of my generosity, they have to commit themselves to the Rogues fully. You know this; everyone here does. But yet each week you took extra food, packed it up, and took it out of this building.”

The man swallowed hard, but didn’t deny it.

“I let it go because I knew where the food was going. I knew it went to your girlfriend and your children with her. But rather than have this family of yours move into your rooms here, in which there is plenty of space, you let them live in the slums. You barely ever give them money. You gamble it away. The weekly offering of food from here is one of the very few things you provide for them, by _stealing_ it from the Rogues.

“You cheat on this woman frequently and barely try to hide it from her. She’s tried to leave you, but you threaten her with revealing her past as a sex worker. If that came to light, she’d likely be fired from the daycare where she works and barely makes enough to support your children.

“You’ve come close to hitting her, though you haven’t crossed that line yet. I was waiting for that. With men like you, it’s inevitable. But I’m _tired_ of waiting.

“I will _not_ allow you to insult my Rogues. I will not allow you to treat your family this way.

“You are no longer a Rogue. You will not be allowed back in this building. Mick will see to it that your belongings are outside near the street for you by tomorrow morning.

“Your rooms will be given to your girlfriend and her children. And don’t bother trying to blackmail her further or bring up her past in revenge. The daycare where she works just happened to fall into Rogue Family territory a little while ago, and the management there has been quite diligent paying their dues to us. You might have noticed if you’d been paying any attention at all.”

Tanner’s seemed mute with shock. He stared at Len, as if trying to decide if the mob boss was serious. Barry knew Len was _very_ serious. No one else in the large assembly room moved or said anything. They all knew better.

“You _will_ pay your dept to me in full. You _will_ pay child support to your ex-girlfriend,” Len continued.

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that if you’re firing me?!” Tanner spat out, finally finding his voice.

“Oh, you’ll still work for me, Tanner. But you’ll no longer be one of my _Rogues._ You’ll be a grunt. You’ll get the most demeaning, backbreaking, disgusting work there is to do. And you’ll do it without complaint or betrayal. Or you’ll be _dead_.”

Tanner opened his mouth to say something else, but it came out as garbled mumblings. He stuck out his tongue and frantically grabbed at it with his fingers. It was blue and frozen solid. His hot breath formed visible steam around his frozen tongue.

Barry inhaled sharply in surprise. For Len to have such exact control of his powers to freeze the man’s tongue in his mouth without him noticing until he tried to talk…Len’s skill was even more impressive than Barry had imagined.

“Try and say anything else and you’ll never be able to utter another coherent word in your life,” Len calmly stated. “Or properly taste a crumb of the food you’ve been so intent on taking.”

Tanner clamped his mouth shut quickly. For the first time during the entire exchange he finally looked afraid. He was a fool, Barry thought again. Len was obviously pissed and extremely dangerous. He should have shut up, or begged for mercy, as soon as Len confronted him. Comrade Cold was ruthless to anyone that broke his rules, Barry knew. Anyone that worked for him ought to know that, too.

“Nod if you understand and agree to my terms,” Len ordered Tanner.

Tanner nodded frantically, keeping his mouth closed.

“Good. Now, if you hurry, you should be able to get to a hospital soon enough to save your tongue. No one here will help you.”

Tanner tried to move, but he quickly realized he couldn’t. One of his feet was frozen to the floor.

“Those toes, however, are likely a lost cause,” Len continued. “If you hadn’t argued so much and given them so much time to freeze, you could have saved them too. Hurry and break the ice and get moving now, or you might lose your entire foot.”

Barry winced as he watched the man struggle. He had to look away; he couldn’t stand to see this. He expected it to take long agonizing minutes for Tanner to break free. But to his surprise, he heard cracking ice without a few seconds. When he looked up, Tanner was free, running and already half way out the door. Barry inhaled in relief that Len hadn’t made the ice stronger. He knew Len was capable of it.

Len glanced at Barry briefly, but said nothing and walked away. With him went the chilly air. A few seconds later the dining hall returned to normal, people resuming their conversations and continuing eating. No one seemed to be commenting on what had happened or sparing Tanner any sympathy.

Barry sat there in silence, taking a few moments to process what he’d seen. His food was cold and forgotten on the plate in front of him.

“Don’t feel bad about that, Barry,” Hartley assured him. “That was a long time coming. It wasn’t about _you_ , really. It was just the final straw. No one blames you for that. Any Rogue worth anything knows what happens when you don’t follow the rules. Tanner was an idiot.”

Barry nodded. To his surprise, he didn’t feel very bad for Tanner, once the shock of the display wore off. It’d been unpleasant to watch. But the man deserved it, from everything Len had said. And Barry trusted Len to be telling the truth about it. Everyone that worked for Comrade Cold knew what they were getting into.

“Cold is harsh, but fair,” Cisco added. “He can be scary, but he has reasons for everything he does.

“There was a guy here a few years ago that called me a homophobic slur, grabbed and pulled my hair really hard, and graphically demanded I suck his dick. I fought him off and got away, but it shook me up. When Cold found out about it…well, that guy will never be grabbing anything with _that_ hand ever again.”

Barry smiled at that. It was ruthless justice, but Barry was finding he liked it more than he’d expected to.

Hartley pet Cisco’s hair gently for a moment. A rare sign of public affection for them. They’d both grown up in homophobic households, Barry knew. So they understandably hesitated to be openly affectionate in public. But this was Hartley’s way of showing sympathy for that memory of Cisco’s. It warmed Barry’s heart to see that kind of support in this Family.

Maybe Barry belonged with the Rogues more than he’d expected. He was finding he didn’t mind the idea much at all.

\---------------------------------------

Len sighed deeply and raked his fingers through his short cropped hair. Alone in his room, he let his emotions flow freely. The room turned freezing cold within seconds. Len made sure the temperature didn’t seep out of the room, but otherwise he let his powers run wild. A thin layer of frost soon formed on the furniture.

Barry was terrified of him. Not slightly scared, not wisely cautious; fucking terrified.

Len had suspected as much when Barry kept giving weak excuses to refuse Len’s offers of casual meals together, but he’d hoped he was wrong. He’d hoped Barry just needed time to settle into his new routine and get comfortable. But that was dashed as Len watched Barry’s face while Len dealt with that fucker Tanner.

Len should have seen to that problem weeks ago. If he had, Barry wouldn’t have had to witness it. Len didn’t regret anything he’d done to Tanner. It was well deserved. He’d let the minor theft of the food go. But there was no way Len could allow anyone to bad mouth one of his Rogues in his presence and get away with it.

That it was _Barry_ that Tanner had insulted and blamed for his own bullshit behavior had just enraged Len more. He hated having to put Barry through the stress of seeing Len deal with someone like that up close. But Len couldn’t afford to hesitate in dealing with such blatant disrespect.

Of course, Len would still have had to do _something_ unpleasant in front of Barry eventually, either way. He was Comrade Cold. He had a Family to take care of, and a reputation to maintain. But if Len could have at least gotten Barry more comfortable with him first, maybe Barry wouldn’t have taken it so hard.

Len didn’t know what to do. He had appearances to keep in public. If Barry didn’t want to be in private with Len, he didn’t know how he could show the speedster his softer side. He had no idea how to convince Barry that he wasn’t a threat, at least not to _Barry_. He had no idea how to get across to Barry that he was important to Len; far more important than just a childhood friend and new Rogue. If Barry was too afraid to be comfortable alone with Len, Len couldn’t bring himself to force that on Barry.

All Len could do was wait, give Barry space, and hope that Barry would give him a chance eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, my love of Babylon 5 slipped in this chapter. It’s not the most well known sci-fi show, so sorry if the reference confused anyone. But I’ve recently been rewatching it and it’s shocked me how good it is, and how well it holds up for a show from the 90s. So I couldn’t resist making Cisco a fan, too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very dear friend [meowitskatmofo](https://meowitskatmofo.tumblr.com/) commissioned the incredibly talented [qpqpqlla00](https://qpqpqlla00.tumblr.com/) to make [this art](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/winged_kame/695039/71649/71649_original.png) for this fic. It’s absolutely adorable and I love it so much! It means a great deal to me and I’ve been staring at it a lot as I wrote this chapter. 
> 
>  

“Do you remember a former CCPD detective by the name of Ralph Dibney?” Southerlyn asked.

Barry tensed at the name. It was a little over a month since he’d moved into the Rogues’ apartment building. He was meeting with the lawyer and the detectives in Len’s meeting room. Len was there too, but he was mostly just observing.

“I…yes, of course.” Barry swallowed hard at the unpleasant memory. “Ralph Dibney planted evidence in a murder case and I caught it, and then reported him. He got fired. It was what he deserved. Cops can’t be tampering with evidence, no matter how sure they are that someone is guilty!

“But…a lot of the other cops were pissed at me about it. Even Joe thought I should have gone to him with it, or Captain Singh. But I went straight to internal affairs. I don’t regret it! But…I think any chance I had of really fitting in at CCPD was lost with that choice.”

That was probably more information than they needed, Barry realized. But it was a sore spot for him. He really felt that cops ought to be held to a higher standard! They were public servants sworn to uphold the law as written, or at least they were supposed to be. What might be understandable for normal people was one thing, but police should be above acting on their own personal feelings about justice. If they couldn’t handle that, they shouldn’t be in that line of work!

“He’s a sexist pig!” Nadine spat. “He’s a private detective now, so being in the same line of work we run into him sometimes. The amount of times he’s unabashedly stared at my chest and practically drooled, not paying one iota of attention to anything I said…he’s damn lucky I haven’t killed him myself! So whatever reason he had for planting evidence, I don’t give a shit. He’s trash.

“Sorry…that was…not strictly relevant,” Nadine added, after realizing she’d been ranting.

Barry smiled at her in understanding. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only person that disliked Dibney.

“Regardless,” Southerlyn redirected the conversation. “Dibney appears to still hold a grudge against the CCPD, and you in particular, Barry. After he was fired, either by accident or design, he kept a copy of the key to the station’s armory. Captain Singh noticed and ordered the lock changed. But either because of laziness or a mix-up, or something else, that never happened. That key was what was used to access the guns for the shooting.”

Barry inhaled sharply. He took a few moments to let the words sink in. Dibney?! Ralph Dibney was behind the shooting and framing Barry?! The man was a jerk and a crooked cop, but Barry would’ve never suspected he was capable of something this terrible! Some of the cops that had been killed had been Dibney’s friends when he was on the force!

“Is that…is that it then?” Barry asked with an uncertain stammer. “It was all Dibney?”

“No.” Southerlyn shook her head. “There was more to it than that. Dibney’s key was used. We believe he willingly gave the key to the shooters. But we don’t believe he was the one that orchestrated the entire thing. He might have known what was planned, or he might have believed the key was going to be used to steal the guns for profit rather than massacre the station. But we know he wasn’t the mastermind.

“And even if Dibney didn’t know what the key was going to be used for, he hasn’t come forward to admit his involvement and help find the person behind it all. He’s stood by while the trial against you, Barry, progressed; even though he had to have known you’re innocent.”

Barry took another steadying breath, then nodded. He pushed his anger toward Dibney aside for the moment and focused on all the information. It wasn’t over yet. They hadn’t gotten to the bottom of it yet. They hadn’t found the person behind the entire thing yet.

That was disheartening. But it made sense. Barry didn’t believe Dibney could be solely responsible for setting the entire thing in motion either. Barry had no sympathy for Dibney. But he didn’t strike Barry as the mastermind type, either.

“So you have a choice to make, Barry,” Southerlyn continued. “We can go to the police now, with what we have. We have enough solid evidence that implicates Dibney that it should clear any suspicions from you. But at the same time, the case isn’t solved yet. Giving it over to the police now would mean that it would be up to them to investigate Dibney and find the mastermind behind the entire thing.

“Knowing their track record I, for one, am not sure they would ever successfully find the mastermind,” Southerlyn admitted. “But regardless, you would be cleared, Barry. You wouldn’t have to hide anymore or fear harassment from the cops. You could visit your family in the hospital. You could visit your father in prison. It could be over for you within a matter of days.

“Or we could continue our investigation until we get to the bottom of it all,” Southerlyn offered. “We’d hold off going to the cops. That would leave Dibney free for us to follow and investigate until we got a lead. It would hopefully mean real justice would come for the one most responsible for the shooting.

“But it would mean waiting longer; you being blamed longer. I can’t promise just how long it would take. But the mastermind is well hidden; they’ve covered their tracks well. It will take time. So it might mean your life will be disrupted for a very long time yet, Barry. It’s completely understandable if you want to be cleared sooner rather than later.

“So it’s up to you, Barry. It’s your choice.”

Barry bit his lip, considering the options. He wanted to get to the bottom of the entire thing, of course. He wanted to see justice.

But he also wanted to visit Iris and Joe in the hospital. He knew they hadn’t made much progress, thanks to Cisco hacking into the hospital’s records. But he still wanted to see them in person again.

Barry wanted to see his father in person again, too. He’d called Henry a few times thanks to an untraceable phone that Len let him use. So he’d gotten to reassure his father that he was ok, but not been able to give him any details. Of course the entirety of every call to anyone at the prison was recorded and reviewed.

But besides that, Barry wanted to be free to just go outside without worries. Barry wanted to be able to go for a run around the city, or to the supermarket, or just stand outside in the sun without fear of the police finding and harassing him.  

Barry glanced at Len, instinctively wanting his input. But Len’s expression was blank, offering no clues to his opinion. Barry could ask him, but....Barry realized this was something he needed to decide on his own.

Len might have good advice. But this was Barry’s problem, Barry’s reputation, Barry’s family. If he deferred to Len on this and regretted it later, it would make the unease between them even worse. And Len was going to be Barry’s boss for the rest of his life, regardless of how this went. This needed to be Barry’s choice alone. Len was letting him make it, so Barry had to step up and do it, he decided.

“Could I…could I have some time to think it over and decide?” Barry asked. “Just a few days, if that’s ok?”

“Of course!” Southerlyn assured him.

The detectives and Len all nodded in agreement.

“In the mean time, we’ll continue investigating,” Nadine added. “Just tell Cold whenever you’ve made your choice. We’ll be back to discuss the progress with you, either way.”

Barry nodded in understanding, and then stood up to shake hands with the lawyer and detectives as they left. When they were gone, Barry started toward his room. Barry’s mind was spinning so much, he barely noticed Len staring at him. But he stopped short once he realized and sputtered for something to say. Len saved him the trouble.

“I’d invite you to stay for dinner, but I’m sure you’d refuse,” Len commented. “You _do_ have a lot to think about. So go ahead and take your time. Just don’t forget to eat. And come see me as soon as you’ve made your choice.”

Barry nodded, grateful for the fast escape, and sped the few feet to his own room. His mind was far too full of the case to notice the sad scowl on Len’s face as he left.

\-------------------------------------

Barry had made up his mind within a few hours, but he made himself wait a full day to make sure he didn’t have any second thoughts. It was the weekend, so he was off work and took the time to just reconsider everything. Sitting alone in his room brooding it over, he couldn’t believe he’d hesitated.

The victims deserved nothing less than complete justice. Barry’s comfort was immaterial in comparison to that.

And it wasn’t like he was even truly uncomfortable. He loved his new job. He loved his new apartment. He enjoyed movie nights and weekly dinners with the Rogues. He liked hanging out with Cisco and Hartley, playing video games or binge watching sci-fi series. He hated having to keep his distance from Len, but that was Barry’s own fault for having such strong feelings for his old friend.

So Barry would wait however long it took. Barry wanted the mastermind behind the shootings behind bars for life. Anything less wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him.

So Barry would continue to stay in the apartment and only go out for work. He’d continue to be barred from visiting the hospital. He’d continue to be unable to visit his father in prison. Dibney’s punishment would be delayed and the bastard would think he’d gotten off scot-free. But it’d be worth it in the end if it meant getting the real person responsible for setting it all in motion.

Barry considering eating dinner before going to tell Len he’d made his decision. Then he could honestly tell Len he already ate. But he couldn’t stand to wait any longer. If Len invited him to dinner, Barry would accept this time, he decided. He couldn’t keep making excuses. Len would see that Barry ate enough and would stop asking. Then Barry could really start to move on from the crazy desire to become closer to Len.

So Barry walked the short distance between their rooms and knocked on Len’s door. A few moments later the door opened…to reveal Sara. Barry swallowed hard, his nerves hitting him full force. Sara and Mick both had apartments on the same floor as Len and Barry, just across the hall. The four of them were the only people on that floor. But Barry hadn’t knocked on the wrong door somehow.

Sara was always perfectly polite to Barry. But she had no reason not to be. Barry had backed off and Sara knew he was no real threat to her relationship with Len. If she’d thought he was getting too close to Len, Barry didn’t doubt that Sara would be even more obvious in warning this time.

“You’re looking for Len,” Sara said before Barry could manage to get any words out. “He’s not here right now. But you can wait for him here in his meeting room.”

“I…er…I can just come back later! I…”

“No, no! You should wait for him here!” Sara insisted, “I know he wants to be told your decision about the investigation right away.”

Barry blinked in confusion. He didn’t know what the hurry was. Surely another day or two wouldn’t make any big difference, right? The detectives had said they’d keep on the case in the meantime. So it wasn’t like the time was being wasted.

But before Barry could protest, Sara had grabbed his arm and dragged him into Len’s meeting room. Barry stumbled from the force of the pull and found himself sitting on Len’s couch before he’d even realized what’d happened.

“I’ve got to go,” Sara announced, somehow suddenly at the door already. “But you _stay here_ until Len gets in! He should be back soon. He’ll be upset if you leave without talking to him first! So just say put!”

She said it was such force that Barry could just nod in response. Then she was gone.

Barry huffed. If she’d given him a minute to get himself together, he would have protested. It wasn’t like he’d have gone far! His room was just next door! He could have left a note for Len to come see him when he got back.

But he guessed maybe that would be a disrespectful way to contact Comrade Cold. People waited for the chance to talk to the mob boss. He didn’t wait for the people under him. Maybe this was another way for Sara to subtly tell Barry he wasn’t very important in the Rogue hierarchy.

Regardless of the reason though, Barry clearly wasn’t going anywhere now. He didn’t want to piss Sara off. And he certainly didn’t want to disrespect Len in any way. Barry sighed and got comfortable.

It was nice couch. Dark grey with navy blue accents. Every other time Barry had been in the room he’d taken one of the chairs around the table in the middle. But there were several more plush chairs and the couch a bit further back in the room. There were expensive paintings on the walls, crystal vases filled with blue and white flowers on the end tables nearby.

It was classy and showed Len’s taste without revealing anything too personal. It also didn’t reveal anything for Barry to do while he waited. There was no TV or books or computer. There weren’t even magazines like in the waiting room at the bar.

Barry sighed and leaned back further into the couch. He could speed to his room, get his phone, and be back in less than a second. Then he could at least play a game or something until Len got back. But what if he got caught? Sara had been very specific in his waiting right there. He really didn’t want to start any trouble, even though he couldn’t imagine what the harm could be.

Barry was still considering it when the door opened and Mick bustled into the room. Barry stood up automatically and Mick stopped and frowned at him.

“What’re you doing here? You can’t be here right now! Boss’s got a big meeting with important people! They’re right behind me!” Mick scowled.

“I…Sara said…never mind…I can just run back to my room and…”

“No!” Mick cut him off. “You’ll run right into them! They’re scanning the hall right now for meta power spikes! If you’d checked your phone, you’d know! We sent a text to everyone to not use their powers unless it’s an emergency! They don’t trust us. It’s a big deal they agreed to come to a meeting here at all. If you run out there and spook them, we’ll never get this deal done!”

Barry’s stomach sank. He hadn’t meant to cause any trouble, and now it seemed like he was in the middle of it.

“You can wait in another room, come on!” Mick grunted.

Before Barry could protest, Mick had grabbed his arm and was pulling him through the door that led further into Len’s private rooms. Rooms Barry had never been in before. Rooms Barry hadn’t dared dream he’d ever even get a glimpse of, much less find himself in.

Mick dragged Barry through a kitchen, past a room with a huge TV, and then through an office, and deposited him in the room furthest from the meeting.

“Stay here until someone comes to get you! Do _not_ go back out into the hall!” Mick grumbled. “And don’t go trying to phase through the wall into your rooms, neither! They’ll be scanning this whole floor the whole time they’re here, and we’ll be screwed! Just…take a nap or something! Someone will let you know when it’s over.”

Barry could only manage to stand there in shock with his mouth hanging open. Then Mick had slammed the door closed and was gone. Looking around, Barry couldn’t deny it to himself any longer; Mick had shoved Barry right into Len’s bedroom.

There was indeed a large bed in the middle of the room. Barry could have tried to nap like Mick suggested…if the very idea of invading Len’s personal space like that didn’t make Barry sick.

He’d been forced there by a series of accidents, yes. But Barry still felt awful about it. He knew how private Len was. Len hadn’t approved this. Len wouldn’t be happy when he found out about it. Barry hated that he was the source of Len being uncomfortable, possibly even feeling violated.

Barry just stood stock still in Len’s bedroom, too mortified to move or take much more notice of his surroundings. Until he saw something on Len’s nightstand. Barry nearly sped forward the few feet, he couldn’t believe his eyes! But he remembered just in time and ran to the nightstand at normal speed. Up close, he confirmed what he hadn’t been able to believe from a few feet away.

“ _Vern!!_!” Barry whispered in shock. “It _is_ you!”

Barry felt tears forming in his eyes as he picked up the plush dinosaur. It seemed smaller than when he’d last seen it. But that was because Barry had grown since then. It was undoubtedly the same stuffed animal. Shades of red and orange plush fur that was soft to the touch, with green glass eyes and brown velvet claws, a little slight smile made of thread. The pads of the feet were a little worn from when Barry always used to pretend the dino was running, like he did in the book the plush was based on.

Barry’s Vern! The plushie that Barry’s mom had given to him, and he’d given to Len at the orphanage. It was really him! Len had _kept_ him all these years! And not just kept him tucked away in some box or drawer. He’d been out, sitting up on Len’s nightstand! He wasn’t dusty at all. He seemed cared for.

But that…that made _no sense_ …unless…unless Len…

The door to the bedroom slammed open, making Barry jump and clutch Vern tightly to his chest.

Len walked in, bringing cold air with him, the door slamming behind him. Len looked…Len looked _terrible_ , Barry realized with a surge of fear and worry. There were dark blue circles under his eyes, his lips were light blue and clenched tightly together. Thin blue blood veins ran up his neck and the sides of his face all the way to his pronounced cheekbones. His hands were entirely blue. His arms were completely covered in ice all the way from his hands to his elbows. And he was limping.

Len stopped short when he saw Barry, his glowing blue eyes narrowing at the sight.

“ _Barry_!?!” Len snarled, clearly surprised and upset. “What the fuck are you doing here?!”

Barry swallowed hard, his heart racing.

“I…I…I came to see you, to tell you I’d decided, and Sara made me promise to wait for you, but then Mick said you were meeting important people and they were tracking meta powers so I couldn’t run back to my room, and he dragged me here and told me to wait and I’m _so sorry_ Len!”

Barry had started stammering, then worked himself into a full blown rambling mess. He’d been afraid his being there would make Len uncomfortable. But he hadn’t expected Len to already be unwell, as he clearly was. That just made Barry’s invasion of his private space even worse.

To Barry’s surprise, Len’s eyes softened. His clenched mouth moved into a tight smile. The ice on his arms started to go down, though his skin remained highlighted with blue.

“So that was what Sara was trying to apologize for, without outright saying it in front of other people.” Len sighed. “She didn’t know we were doing the meeting with the Yamaguchi Family tonight. It was a last minute arrangement. I only managed to tell Mick we were on our way.”

Barry was glad his rambling had made sense to Len. The mob boss seemed to be calmer, but he still looked very unwell. Barry was still worried.

“Neither Mick nor Sara knew what happened on the way here, until we got here a few minutes ago.” Len sighed again. “Plenty of people don’t want this deal to go through. We were ambushed, took some gunfire. Mark and two of Yamaguchi’s people got hit pretty bad, but they should pull through. I got grazed. Sara’s taking over the negations so I can heal up. As dangerous and stupid as this attack was, it should have the exact opposite effect they were hoping for. It was the last straw the Yamaguchi Family needed to see it’s a wise choice to work with us.”

Barry hadn’t followed a lot of that. All that really mattered to him was one detail.

“Len…you…you got _shot_?!” Barry couldn’t manage to keep the slight panic out of his voice.

Barry’s eyes scanned Len’s form, looking for blood and bullet wounds. There was a large dark spot, barely noticeable on his black pants. Len was walking, Barry assured himself. Len wouldn’t be walking if he was in any serious danger. But still, Barry was really worried. It took all of his self control to not speed to Len and start inspecting his body up close for damage.

“I got grazed by a bullet, yes,” Len admitted with a slight wince. “It just hit my outer thigh. I’ll be fine. Caitlin already checked me over, gave me some pain meds. With my enhanced healing I’ll be good as new in a day or two. The wound’s already frozen over thanks to my powers.

“But it does mean my powers are going to keep the room cold. And you can’t leave while the meeting’s going on. The Yamaguchi’s are agreeable now, but still cautious and scanning for unknown power usage. And they’re sticklers for procedure and fine details. It might be hours yet before it’s done.”

Len was clearly apologetic from the look he was giving Barry. As if it was a huge inconvenience to Barry to be stuck in a room with Len. As if that could compare to Len having gotten _shot_!

“I don’t care about that!” Barry assured him. “Your powers have never bothered me that much! You know we shared a chilly room for plenty of nights back at the orphanage. I never complained!”

“That is true.” Len narrowed his eyes at Barry, as if he didn’t quite believe him. “That was long time ago, though. Lately you’ve been doing everything to avoid me, short of…I…”

Len paused, closed his eyes, and seemed to collect himself.

Barry swallowed hard, feeling instantly guilty. It’d never occurred to him that his turning down Len’s offers to spend time together might hurt Len. But it should have. They’d been friends. They could be friends again, Barry told himself. He shouldn’t let his longing for more get in the way of that.

“Using my powers, the meds, and everything…I…I need to lie down,” Len admitted, swaying a little on his feet.

Barry’s eyes widened in shock. Len had just been standing there for minutes now! What must have been long, painful minutes for him! Or was he too drugged up to notice that? Was that why he’d so openly explained so much to Barry? Were the meds to blame? Regardless, Barry was acting like an idiot not noticing that Len should definitely not be standing up with a bullet wound in his leg! Barry’s feelings of guilt increased.

“Yes, of course! Get into bed! Let me help you!”

Sara’s words about Len not liking to be touched ran through Barry’s mind, but he ignored them. He moved to what seemed to be Len’s uninjured side and put his arm around Len’s shoulders as support. Len leaned into him, wrapped his arm around Barry’s waist, and sent Barry’s heart racing faster in his chest. Len felt cold against him, but that was to be expected with his powers. No matter how cold Len was, Barry felt himself heating up thanks to the close contact.

They walked the few feet to Len’s bed, Len limping and leaning on Barry the entire way. Then Len used Barry as support to get up onto the bed. He was visibly wincing in pain as he moved, and Barry hurt for him, but neither commented on it. Barry knew Len wouldn’t want too much sympathy voiced out loud.

Len sighed deeply, a bit of frost chilling the air along with his exhaled breath, as he leaned back into the pillows piled against the headboard. He was sitting up in bed, watching Barry. He seemed like he was trying to puzzle something out about Barry, but Barry couldn’t guess what. Barry thought his own emotions were obvious. He’d never been good at hiding how he felt. Right then, he was extremely worried about Len and wishing he could do more to help.

Barry’s eyes landed on Len’s boots and he moved to untie them without asking. Easier to just do it and see if Len protested than ask for permission and be denied. To his surprise, Len let Barry take off the boots and set them down on the floor.

Bending down with the boots, Barry saw Vern on the floor and hurried to pick him up. Sometime since Len had come in, Barry must have dropped Vern. He hadn’t really noticed, he’d been so worried about Len. He silently apologized to Vern, dusted him off, and kissed his little head.

Barry looked up to find Len still staring at him. Len’s eyes were still glowing, which added to the feeling that Barry was being intently studied. Barry broke eye contact to look down at Vern.

“You…you kept Vern…” Barry stammered, struggling to find the words to express how that made him feel.

“Of course I kept Vern,” Len scoffed. “He’s important to you. So he’s important to me.”

The way Len said it; as if it was the simple, obvious truth; sent Barry’s mind racing along with his heart.

It couldn’t have been easy, Barry reflected. He didn’t know much about Len’s life after he ran away from the orphanage. But between then and finding somewhere to settle down, Barry knew Len must have spent years moving from place to place. It couldn’t have been an easy road to get to being a feared and respected mob boss. It would’ve been completely understandable if Len had misplaced or forgotten Vern somewhere along the line. But he hadn’t.

Because Vern meant a lot to Barry. And Barry meant… _something_ …to Len.

Barry wasn’t sure what exactly he was to Len. But he was _something_ , Barry was beginning to realize. Something other than just a childhood friend, barely remembered. Something other than a useful newbie Rogue. If Len had held onto Vern all that time, taken good care of the plush for that long…it meant something.

Barry wasn’t sure what yet. But it made Barry’s confidence soar. It made Barry feel more secure with Len than he had since they’d met again.

But it didn’t make finding the right thing to say to Len now any easier.

Len was still staring intently at Barry, and Barry still had trouble meeting those gorgeous eyes. Barry’s gaze fell on Len’s bed, noticing the details of it for the first time.

“You have blue flannel sheets with snowflakes on them,” Barry blurted out the realization before he could think better of it.

Len snorted in amusement, finally easing some of the tension that’d been building between them. Barry was happy he could make Len laugh, even if it was because he’d forgotten to put a filter on his mouth.

“Sara got them for me,” Len commented. “She doesn’t have your fortitude for the cold. She said the flannel was the only way she could ever get comfortable in my bed. I got used to them and kept them; I admit they’re quite comfortable. And the snowflake design makes me smile.”

Barry felt the color drain from his face at the mention of Sara’s name. Imagining her there in bed with Len, buying sheets to make herself more comfortable…Barry shivered for the first time that evening. It wasn’t from the cold. He’d managed to forget all about Sara. But here was a clear reminder that she belonged in Len’s bed, while Barry did not.

Barry clutched Vern in a tight hug. He forced his eyes to not tear up. Crying now would have been mortifying. He felt like a fool for hoping there was something between him and Len that there clearly wasn’t. Barry might still mean something to Len. But he was Len’s past. Sara was Len’s present. Barry couldn’t afford to forget that again, even for a moment.

If he did, Sara would be sure to remind him. Maybe this time with that deafening scream that her meta powers gifted her. Or maybe with a broken bone or two thanks to her skills with the staff. Or maybe just with more harsh words. She’d be a fool if she didn’t do something. Having Len was a privilege worth fighting for. If Len had been Barry’s, he would have fought to keep him too. But Barry couldn’t fight Sara back. Len had _chosen_ Sara. Barry would never purposely get in the way of Len’s happiness.

So caught up in his own thoughts, Barry hadn’t noticed Len’s expression at all. Barry only looked up from Vern once Len started talking.

“Barry, I…I don’t know what else to do here.” Len’s voice was tight with obvious pain. “I don’t know how to show you what…I don’t know how…if…If you’re still scared…I don’t know how to make you not be afraid of me.”

Len scowled, but not at Barry. It seemed like he was mad at himself. He was usually much more articulate than this. Barry guessed it was the combination of meds and his injury affecting him. But regardless, there was only one thing Barry could say in response to what he’d just heard from Len.

“I’m not afraid of _you_ , Len!”

Len scoffed as if he didn’t believe Barry.

“Then what _are_ you afraid of?!” Len bitingly asked. “Because it’s obvious there’s something!”

“Sara!” Barry blurted out before he could think better of it.

“ _Sara_?! Sara would never _touch_ you! She’d never _dream_ of it! She’s loyal to me. Even if she wasn’t, she knows I’d kill her if she hurt you! Has someone said something to make you think Sara is some kind of threat to you?!”

Barry blinked in shock and confusion. His mouth hung open as his brain spun.

“She said it herself! You were _there!_ ” Barry argued. “She said I shouldn’t touch you! That you don’t like it!”

Len narrowed his eyes at Barry for a few moments before replying. Barry had no idea what was going through Len’s mind right then.

“I believe what she said was that there is a very short list of people that I allow to touch me,” Len offered.

“Yes! Same thing!”

“No. It isn’t,” Len countered. “There is indeed a very short list of people I allow to touch me. But you, Barry Allen, are right at the top of that list. Long before Sara herself. Even before I was comfortable with _Mick_ putting a hand on me, I put you on that list, Barry.”

“But…but…” Barry sputtered; his brain struggling to accept it.

“She was _teasing_ you, and me,” Len explained. “She knows how…important you are to me.”

“She bought you bed sheets…” Barry weakly protested. “She was in your lap at the bar.”

“She did. She was.” Len sighed, then continued, “Full disclosure, Sara and I _do_ have something of a history. We were friends with benefits for a few years.

“It was good sex. But it was never serious. It was never romantic. It stopped about seven months ago, when Sara met Ava and decided she wanted to pursue something serious with her. I was happy for them both. No hurt feelings. We were never attached to each other that way. She’s a good friend, a trusted Rogue, but nothing more.

“As for the bar…We put on that act for meetings with new contacts,” Len continued. “It serves several purposes. It makes me look powerful, to have a beautiful woman in my lap. It makes me seem distracted, while I’m not, so anyone looking to start trouble is likely to fall in a trap. It allows Sara to hear every detail about the meetings, with few noticing she’s listening. And it adds the security of Sara being there to back me up if there’s trouble, again without many noticing she’s a potential threat.”

Barry’s mouth had suddenly gone dry. He licked his lips and swallowed several times. His mind kept spinning with this information. The set up at the bar, he’d guessed some of that. But he hadn’t suspected there were no real feelings behind it.

“Ava…she…she’s the Rogues’ accountant? The one with long hair in the business suit?” Barry wondered out loud.

“That’s her,” Len confirmed. “Though she’s a lot more than just an accountant. She’s proving herself quite capable. She’s human, but she can hold her own against Sara in a fight, if Sara’s powers don’t give her the edge.”

“That’s impressive,” Barry responded, though his mind was already moving onto other details.

Barry smiled and focused on Len, to find Len’s expression had gone soft and fond. Barry hadn’t seen Len look at him like that since they were teens at the orphanage. It made Barry blush and look back down at Vern.

“I…I guess I misunderstood a lot, huh?” Barry asked sheepishly.

“It does seem that way,” Len agreed. “Though admittedly I misunderstood some things, as well.

“You’re not frightened of me? That’s not why you’ve been avoiding spending time alone with me? It didn’t freak you out what I did to Tanner?” Len asked.

“Oh, no! That’s not it at all! Tanner deserved everything he got!” Barry hurried to assure him. “You’re…you can be intimidating sometimes, sure. At the bar, I was worried how you’d be now. But…But you’re _Len_. You’re still the same Len.”

“I have changed some, Barry,” Len corrected gently.

“Not in the ways that matter.” Barry shook his head. “Not in a way to make me afraid of you.”

Barry looked up at Len and smiled, more widely this time. Len smiled back, with those fond eyes. Even glowing blue and cold, Barry saw the fondness in those eyes now. He wondered how he’d missed it before. Maybe he just hadn’t been looking hard enough.

“So you’re…you’re not…you’re not serious…. _romantically_ serious about anyone right now then?” Barry asked in a whisper.

“I’m not,” Len confirmed. “Though I am interested in someone. Someone whose dinosaur I’ve been keeping safe for some time now. Not that Vern is much trouble. But he’s missed you. As have I.”

Barry’s lip wobbled at that. He clutched Vern tighter. His head was spinning with new information and overwhelming emotions. He was going to cry now, for real. Unless…maybe he’d do something better, instead. He set Vern down carefully on the nightstand Len had kept him on.

Barry quickly knelt down on the bed and kissed Len.

Len’s lips were cold, not surprisingly. Len inhaled sharply, drawing Barry’s breath into his mouth and blowing it back out with an added chill. Barry shivered, but it was with delight.

He loved this. He should have done this on the first day, the second Sara got out of Len’s lap. Ok, maybe not _that_ soon. But he’d wasted so much time. He didn’t want to waste a moment more. He kissed Len again. Len kissed him back.

Barry felt Len’s arms come around him, cold too. But Barry loved this cold. This was _Len’s_ cold. Of course Barry loved it. Barry wrapped his arms around Len. They kissed more. Light kisses at first, both tentative, but soon moving to more firm connections. Barry’s tongue was drawn into Len’s mouth. He felt a sharp chill, but it was pleasant. He wondered if his own mouth could go numb if he kissed Len long enough and didn’t vibrate to warm himself. He wouldn’t mind finding out, Barry decided. He didn’t waste a second in fear. Barry knew Len would never freeze his tongue enough to cause harm.

Barry moved to get closer to Len, putting one leg over him to sit in his lap. Suddenly Len hissed, and not in pleasure. Reality came crashing back into Barry’s mind. Barry jumped off of Len, cursing.

“Shit, Len, I’m so sorry! I forgot! Did I reopen your wound? Should I call Caitlin?”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

Len was wincing and shifting in the bed. It was clearly _not_ fine.

“Can I look at it, at least? Make sure it isn’t bleeding?” Barry asked.

“Trying to get my pants off already, Barry?” Len smirked. “Not that I’m complaining. But sadly with these meds, I’m going to be passed out sooner than I can get it up, even for _you_.”

Barry blushed deeply at the implication that Len found him particularly arousing.

“I couldn’t be with you without vibrating, and I’m not supposed to be using my powers with the meeting still going on,” Barry admitted with a little embarrassed laugh. “But I would feel better if I could see that your leg is alright.”

“Alright,” Len agreed. “Sleeping in leather pants is never fun, anyway. But you’ll have to help me.”

Barry nodded. Then he had the surreal experience of watching Len unzip his pants and raise his hips, knowing sex was firmly off the table for the night. But knowing sex was firmly _on_ the table for sometime soon, which Barry wouldn’t have dreamt possible an hour earlier. Barry was going to need time to absorb all this. But for now, he tried to stay in the moment.

Barry helped Len take off his pants, slowly pulling them down to be gentle with the wound. Len was tense and clearly in pain, though he didn’t make a sound. Barry suspected Len could be tortured and barely scream, so that was no measure of how he was feeling. Barry tossed the pants to the floor, not caring where they landed. Then he focused on Len’s wound.

The gunshot wound was iced over, which was like having it stitched up thanks to Len’s powers. The ice coverage was about as wide as Barry’s palm, but it wasn’t bleeding. It just looked like a clean sheet of white ice, no visible red. Barry sighed in relief. Barry would have been angry at himself for ages if he’d hurt Len by getting so caught up in the moment he forgot about the injury.

Barry meant to look up at Len’s face to tell him the wound seemed fine. But Barry’s eyes got caught on Len’s crotch, where a tight grey pair of boxer briefs seemed to barely be containing Len’s impressive package. Living in such close quarters at the orphanage, Barry had seen enough of Len to know how large his cock was. But somehow seeing the shape of it under the thin cotton made it seem even bigger now. Barry might be drooling.

Barry hurriedly raised his eyes to find Len smirking at him. Barry knew his cheeks were red, but he smiled. It was embarrassing, but it was worth it. Barry was sick of misunderstandings keeping them apart. Len should know just how much Barry wanted him.

Barry inched up the bed, careful to not connect with Len’s injured leg again. He kissed Len again. He was going to keep kissing Len until he was sure this was all real. No, much longer than that. Len’s lips were addictive and Barry had no reason to stop. At least not until Len pulled back and yawned.

“Sorry, sorry,” Len said around another yawn. “Fucking meds. If I’d known you’d be waiting for me in my bedroom, I wouldn’t have taken them.”

“Then I’m glad you didn’t know!” Barry huffed. “You need to heal! Sleep is a part of that.

“I…the meeting isn’t over yet, I guess. But even if, _when_ , it is…I…can I sleep here tonight…in your bed, with you?”

Barry looked away, embarrassed and worried he was going too fast. He saw Vern on the nightstand and the sight of the little dino reassured him. He looked back toward Len to find those fond eyes staring at him again.

“Barry, you can spend _every_ damn night in my bed with me, _forever_.”


End file.
